They All Lived Story 30: Heart and Soul
by LadyWordsmith
Summary: Edward and Winry head to Xing to find out if anything can be done to heal or improve Edward's condition. Will gets to meet his girlfriend's rather illustrious family!
1. Chapter 1

**May 20****th****, 1956**

Winry was nervous about going to Xing. It wasn't that she feared going or didn't want to. It was just that neither she nor Edward really knew what the final word would be from the doctors when they got there. If they would accept Ed for treatment, Ren had already warned them that it might take several weeks depending on Ed.

It all rested on Ed's health and strength. Given that was what had been cut down so harshly the past three years, Winry knew that Ed worried. He did not want to live the way he did now, feeling like so much less than he had been, and Winry did not have the heart to say no to _this_ mission; this quest to find a solution or at least a final answer. It certainly couldn't have worse chances than his and Al's search for the Philosopher's Stone. Winry hoped that it did not have as dramatic an outcome! She wanted Ed to be happy, and she wanted his health restored as badly as he did, but not at the risk of what of his life might remain.

At least they were going together and not without family. Will, as Ren's guest as well of course, was coming with them for his planned trip to meet her family and the opportunity to work for the summer and do a little research of his own. They had joined them at the train stop on Amestris' south-eastern border, where the train crossed the desert to reach Xing. Ren was glad to be going home after a year away, and Will looked just as eager – if more nervous – than he had during winter break! Though he had obviously been preparing for the trip. As before, he was neatly trimmed, clean-shaven, and his clothing was as neatly pressed as when he'd lived with his parents. Will had also dropped the fifteen pounds he'd gained in college. Winry was glad to see he and Ren still looked as happy together as they had before. It definitely looked more and more like this would be a permanent arrangement. At least in Winry's opinion.

There was one other family member with them that Winry had almost laughed to have him included; Pir. The little dog had been inseparable from Edward for months, and the attachment clearly went both ways. Like Black Hayate had with Riza, Pir went with Edward to headquarters. Fortunately, other than his insistence on begging for food, Ed was good at training dogs and Pir was well behaved. He had also slimmed down some – as Ed had predicted – when they got into serious play and training, so he wasn't nearly the roly-poly he had been as a tiny pup despite his begging.

The other two dogs were left to guard the house, with Al and Sara both promising to split house-watching duty and make sure the dogs were played with and taken care of and weren't lonely. Sara's pup – eventually named Twist for her love of chasing her tail and running in circles - had already gone to live with her family a couple of months before.

So they rode the train – still a solid two and a half week trip to the Imperial City – and as they neared it, Ed grew increasingly more agitated. He took to pacing the cars as a way to get out the pent up energy and Pir paced with him. Instead of staying in their berth, he spent hours in the observation car watching the scenery – even in the empty desert.

Winry was unsurprised to find Ed missing when she reached the berth they were sharing with Will – Ren had her own – to find her nephew and Ren sitting and talking quietly, but no sign of Edward. "Where's Ed?" she asked, holding the tray that contained the lunch she had just picked up for them both.

"He said he was going to the observation car," Will informed her with an apologetic shrug. "That was right after you left."

"Thanks. I'll find him." Winry headed out again, this time with a better idea of where to find her husband. The observation car was, fortunately, only a couple of cars behind the one they were riding in, and Ed was actually there, standing near the back staring out the windows at the rolling landscape that had changed to Xing hills just that morning. He held what looked like a glass of water, half full. "I thought you wanted lunch," she teased softly as she approached.

Ed came out of whatever thoughts he was contemplating and smiled at her. "Yeah. I just wanted a little more space. Sorry I didn't wait."

"It's all right." Winry gestured with a shrug to one of the empty booths and tables. "We can eat here and enjoy the view." Pir sniffed at her and then wagged his tail hopefully. "Yes, I have your lunch too," Winry rolled her eyes. The dog was so spoiled! If she hadn't insisted on dog food, Ed probably would have let the thing subsist on steak and table scraps. Fortunately, they had brought dog food on the trip.

They sat down, but as Winry started to eat her salad she noticed Ed staring out the window again. It happened a lot lately. Ed spent much more time thinking still, somewhere other than the present. Like he was dreaming when he was awake, or living in a dream. Ed had said living in Europe was like that once. "It's pretty, isn't it?" he asked softly as she opened her mouth to get his attention.

Winry paused then turned to look out the window as well. The hills outside were growing ever more mountainous and the scene out the window contained a lake nestled in a valley, surrounded by the pale pink flowers of a cluster of delicate cherry trees. She smiled. "Beautiful," she agreed simply. It really was lovely country. "Though you can't subsist on the view alone," she teased gently, pointing at his plate with her fork. "You need to eat, Edward."

Now those were words she had never expected to hear herself say. It was something else that concerned her though she tried not to nag. With limited mobility, Ed didn't seem nearly as interested in food. Perhaps it was because he wasn't as hungry – he certainly never pushed himself more than the exercise needed to keep generally fit – but Winry had the feeling it went deeper than that.

"I'm eating, I'm eating," Ed chuckled softly and picked up his fork, starting with the salad. Under the table, Pir was happily wolfing down his food. "I'm sorry I'm kind of distracted."

"What's on your mind?" Winry asked. There was no point in asking _if_ something was on his mind. The question was usually which of a dozen things it was.

Ed shrugged, shaking his head. "Just the usual; nothing new in particular. I think I'm running out of new thoughts to think. It all seems to come back to the same things over and over. Same memories, same concerns…"

"Same fears?" Winry finished when he paused.

Ed gave her an embarrassed smile and a soft sigh. "Those too. I don't know what lies ahead, and I'm not sure if I'm more afraid of finding out there's no answer, or that there would be one if not for my own stupidity."

"Think positive," Winry suggested, trying to bolster his spirits. "You've faced more impossible odds before and come out on top. Ren wouldn't have suggested this if there wasn't hope and you know it. Try and focus on imagining Al's face when we get home and you're feeling better, or Roy's if you ever get a chance to kick his ass," she added with a slightly more sadistic grin.

_That _got a response; Ed laughed a little more. "I like that thought. I'm sorry I'm not better company."

"Stop apologizing," Winry replied between bites. "At least until you actually do something wrong," she added with a teasing smile. "Try and relax. We'll be there in a few days and then there won't be any questions left."

"Or there could be more," Ed countered, then winced and paused in the middle of what Winry was sure would have been another apology. He shook his head. "It'll be nice to see Mao and his family again," he said, shifting the topic.

Winry didn't mind. At least it was something they hadn't already talked to death. "It's been a few years," she nodded. "Would you run through them one more time for me?" She wanted to make sure that she didn't mess things up. She had been working on a few basic phrases in Xingese as well, just to be polite and so she might understand what was going on. It was very different from the languages she was familiar with. Even in Europe they had at least sounded somewhat familiar and been easy to pick up!

Ed grinned. "Well there's Mao of course, the emperor, and his wife Jiu. They have two sons, Tao who's ten now I think, and Shan who's about five. Then Ren says they have a little girl who's almost a year old now named Meifen, but they call her Fen."

"Then there's Mei right?" Winry supplied. She supposed that little Fen was named partially after her grandmother. She was curious and – she had to admit – a little anxious about meeting Ren's mother, but for entirely different reasons. Mei Xian was the woman Edward had admitted having confused feelings over. Winry knew nothing had ever happened, but still she wondered.

Ed paused mid-bite, as if he sensed her hesitations. "Yeah, Mei too. Ren said she's been talking to the doctors for us. Doctor Gray sent a copy of all my records ahead a couple of months ago."

Winry knew that, but she didn't tell Ed he was repeating himself with that. "The last one is her grandfather then right?" She let the subject of Mei drop again.

"Old Bao," Ed actually grinned. "He's a funny old man sometimes, but I think you'll like him."

"Anyone with the wisdom to put you in your place and make you see sense is a miracle worker," Winry couldn't help teasing. "I still owe the man a very large thank you for last time you were here."

"We both do," Ed admitted; a brief blush on his cheeks. Obviously he was thinking along the same lines she was. "Though this time I don't think I'm going to eat nearly as much," he joked.

"Thank goodness for that," Winry replied, though at the moment she would have been happier to see that than him picking at his food. He was only a few bites into his salad while a perfectly good steak was getting cold. She was grateful for how healthy he had been eating the last couple of years, but wished that it wasn't out of fear. Ed was doing his best to be in good shape for this; to be healthy enough that the doctors wouldn't turn him down. Mostly though, he was afraid of another heart attack. Winry didn't have to guess. It was obvious to her.

Of course, Ed's joke was more referring to his outlet for his nerves on his last trip, and the story he'd admitted to her at home about his conversation with Bao and the Redberry-leaf tea.

As happened so often of late, the conversation lapsed into companionable silence. Winry would be very glad when they reached their destination and she fervently hoped for good news. She wanted Ed to be well again or, at the very least, at peace with himself and his situation.

**May 24****th****, 1956**

"So what do you think?" Edward asked Winry as they stepped off the train in the Xing Capitol. On the first trip to Xing there had been so much he wished he could have shared with Winry, and now he hoped they would have that chance. If nothing else, he wanted her to be comfortable since they might be in for a very long stay.

The view from the station was impressive. But then, Ed was sure that was the plan! It looked up a long sloping street that eventually led to the inner walls that protected the Imperial Palace near the center of the city. The Palace itself seemed to top everything.

Winry's eyes were wide and she smiled with pleasure as she took in the unusual architecture, the people, the shops. "It's beautiful," she replied.

"It's home," Ren chuckled as she and Will stepped down beside them. "Arrangements have already been made for our things to be loaded in the car that is here to take us to the palace. I have been informed that my brother is expecting us and has cleared his schedule for the rest of the afternoon and evening."

Ed couldn't help whistling. "I'm impressed. Is this the slow season?"

"His Imperial sister's return with a suitor apparently merits some serious attention on his part," Ren grinned mischievously.

Will blushed. "Don't tell me the entire government knows about this!"

"All right, if it will make you feel better," Ren giggled, slipping her hand into Will's and giving it a reassuring squeeze.

"Finally we'll get away from the love birds," Ed whispered in Winry's ear as they followed them to the aforementioned car, Pir tight on Ed's heels and now on a leash to make sure he stayed close! No one on the train had argued about Ed's right to bring the dog; as if anyone would argue with Ed! They had looked the pup askance at the border, but let him through when appropriate papers were presented.

"Oh they're cute," Winry countered just as softly. "Poor Will. There's an entire country that has some opinion on who Ren marries. At least when you married me any people who might have objected were a world away."

Ed chuckled. That was certainly true. Not that he expected anyone really would have objected. Oh, Mustang might have in jest just to be annoying, but Pinako wouldn't have argued the point. "Lucky me. Oh I doubt they'll really give him a hard time. If they were going to disapprove outright, Mao would never have arranged the research opportunity or agreed to Will staying in the palace." He was sure of that much.

The car ride up to the palace was uneventful, but a great way to give Winry a glimpse of the Imperial City. They drove past the huge market that Ed remembered from his last trip, a couple of the restaurants they had enjoyed, and finally up to the palace itself.

When they got out of the car in front of the palace, the entire Imperial family was waiting to welcome them. Appropriately, Mao welcomed his sister first with a smile and a big, brotherly hug. ::Welcome home, sister,:: he chuckled. ::I am glad to see you well and happy.::

::I am pleased to see you still in power and healthy, my brother,:: Ren replied with a hint of humor before stepping back. "I bring our guests," she said, shifting so they could all understand. Ed knew it was for Winry's benefit really. He and Will both understood the language. She turned, and smiled. "You know the Fullmetal Alchemist, Edward Elric."

"It is a pleasure and honor to see you again, Edward," Mao welcomed him with a warm smile as he bowed slightly. Ed caught a glint of concern in the other man's eye, but was unoffended. They knew why he was here.

Ed smiled and bowed in reply. "I am glad to see you and your family looking so well," he replied, though he couldn't help a small smirk. "Your time has not been wasted since last we met."

Mao seemed to catch the meaning and laughed. "I could not have been so successful without the help of my wife."

Jiu blushed, but seemed pleased. Tao stood beside her, looking at Edward with patient interest – much better trained than the boy he had been several years ago – and Shan outright curiosity. Jiu held the baby in her arms. "Welcome, Edward," she replied simply.

"How stiffly formal," Mei laughed then, stepping forward and startling Ed by clasping his hands in a warm grasp that was clearly reserved in Xing for family friends. "It's been too long since you visited, by far too much. Your trip has been long. Let us all go inside and catch up like friends instead of visiting dignitaries."

Ed couldn't help smiling. That was Mei. To his relief, he felt nothing at her grasping his hands but the feeling of hands on hand; a clasp of friendship and nothing more. "That sounds great," he replied.

Mei's smile never faded – in fact it grew wider – as she turned to Winry and startled his wife by giving her the same warm welcome. "Winry. I am glad you're here. I've wanted so long to meet the woman who could put up with the trouble this man seems to put people through just by existing!"

Ed was afraid for a moment that Winry would take offense. To his relief, Winry laughed! "He can be a handful," she smiled. "Thank you, Mei."

Ren briefly took over again then, blushing brightly as she stepped back a couple of paces to Will's side. "Brother, Mother, Esteemed Grandfather," she included Bao, who was simply smiling quietly, "This is William Elric."

"Your father's son assuredly," Mei chuckled, with a slightly more reserved, but just as happy greeting. "How is Alphonse?"

"Well," Will replied, relaxing just slightly. Ed could see the ramrod straightness of his back ease a little bit. "He sends his good wishes."

"Since you are here as a guest of my most noble and_ homely _sister," Mao joked, "I won't make you fight me to prove your honor. At least, not today. Ren has written us about you, often, in detail, ad nauseum. Naturally I've been curious to see if you are anything like her letters suggest. You understand of course."

"I do," Will chuckled. "I have a younger sister who gets far too much attention."

"Then we understand each other perfectly," Mao nodded. Clearly the two were hitting it off well to start. That was good! "Let's take my mother's suggestion and go sit somewhere and have refreshments and chat instead of standing out here where we have an audience."

Ed glanced around and noticed that, aside from the driver, and the porters who had already vanished with their bags, there were several guards, and a handful of other palace attendants. "Sounds good to me."

It was a pleasant afternoon. They had tea in the royal apartments and enjoyed general conversation. Ren insisted on cradling her baby niece in her arms for most of it, having left for her studies in Amestris right after the baby was born.

"Better get used to that image," Ed couldn't help quietly ribbing his nephew, who rarely took his eyes off Ren for more than a few minutes.

Will's ears turned pink, but he was grinning. "Don't worry, Uncle Ed. I rather like it." His gaze never left Ren, who was sitting cross-legged on the floor with Fen giggling in her arms.

Before too long, Will and Mao were deep in conversation, the girls were chatting, and Old Bao excused himself with _things to do. _It was then that Mei joined Ed and Winry. "Would you like to see your rooms?"

"That would be lovely," Winry agreed, and she and Ed – and Pir who had immediately befriended the two Xian boys – followed Mei.

"Your appointment to meet with the physician is tomorrow morning," Mei informed him as they walked down the hall. "I thought that, since that is your primary reason for this visit you might prefer to get the process underway as soon as possible."

"I appreciate that," Ed smiled. "I can't tell you how much we appreciate all this Mei."

For the first time in their visit, Mei's smile faltered and she paused. "I must be honest," she said after a moment. "I feel partially responsible for this."

"How so?" Ed asked, unsure what to make of the admission. What had Mei done?

Mei clasped her hands together, a sign of her own unease, but started walking again. "I answered all of your questions and requests with no hesitation or thought to whether or not it was wise. I assumed that anything I gave you would only be used responsibly, or would remain the answers to academic questions, one alchemist to another. I was also a teacher, and I should have considered you as a student."

"It's not your fault," Ed objected. "It's mine."

They paused outside a door and she opened it, leading them inside. "These are your rooms," Mei offered a small smile.

Ed blinked. They hadn't even left the area that belonged to the royal family! "I'm honored," he said for lack of any other idea of what to say.

"This is exquisite!" Winry looked truly awed for the first time since their arrival.

Ed had to agree. The rooms they had stayed in last time had been nice, but these were elegant, and at the same time less opulent. Gilt was kept to a minimum, but the room was light and airy, the colors soothing blues and greens and gold. The walls were white, and it had – like all rooms – a door that slid open and led to a garden on the other side from the entry, and a large full bath off the room as well.

Mei seemed pleased. "As we have said, you are guests and friends. As such, there is no need for the formality of keeping you at a _respectful distance._ I am glad you like them."

Ed noticed that their bags were already here, and there was even a plump upholstered cushion for Pir on the floor. He smirked. "Even the dog gets the royal treatment huh?"

"Your Doctor Gray had a note about him in your file," Mei replied with a soft smile.

"Gray did?" Winry looked surprised.

Mei nodded. "She referred to the puppy as a _stabling influence._"

"It's true," Winry smiled softly.

Ed shrugged. "He's part of the family isn't he?" Ever since he could walk, Pir had followed him everywhere and, since he had trained easily, Ed had seen no reason not to let him tag along. No one at Headquarters argued and Pir sat quietly through classes and in Ed's office. He enjoyed going with Ed and stayed out of more trouble that way. He did make Ed feel more secure though. He always felt better with a dog around in case something happened. Always had; Den, Chase and Oscar after the mess in Resembool when Sara nearly drowned. Pir had needed him and Ed had surprised himself with how much he had bonded with the little dog – who was about half the size of his siblings, weighing in at fifteen pounds where the others were now all up to around thirty.

Mei smiled. "Anyway, he's a welcome guest as well. My grandsons find him enchanting." She turned around to face them fully, the smile fading a little. "If you don't mind a little business, the doctor, Lo Chan, wished me to do a preliminary _read_ for my opinions as well. While we have your medical files, and I did read them," she admitted, "at his request as an assisting physician," she added, "there has still been time since then and the most up to date information is always the best."

"Of course," Ed replied. Chan; a relative from Mei's family then. He sat down on the bed. After his experience with Ren a few months ago he had some idea of what to expect. So he didn't panic when he felt that odd tingling sensation as Mei pulled out a similar scarf to the one Ren had used, wrapped it around her hand, and placed her hand to his chest. It spread further though this time, gentle, but it did concentrate on his center of mass. He watched Mei, who closed her eyes as she concentrated.

Pir sniffed at them both, looking agitated, but Winry stroked his head in assurance that no one was hurting Ed. The dog could be very protective of him, Ed knew.

After a couple of minutes she opened her eyes. "Very interesting," she commented, sighing heavily. "You never do anything small, do you Edward?"

Ed shrugged helplessly. "I've never been knowing for doing anything half way."

"And you wonder why I blame myself for giving you the information, knowing your reputation," Mei pointed out as she stood straight again. "I am disappointed."

"If she was here, I'd tell you to talk to my old teacher," Ed replied. "I'm not the 'wisest' student."

"Though perhaps most talented when you do not try too hard," Mei's smile returned slightly. "The work on your organs from the gunshot wound is impressive. Can you do anything else with what I taught you?"

"Only when I'm too panicked to do alchemy the way I was taught," Ed scoffed. Her disappointment hurt more than he had expected. One more person he had let down. "It still takes too much energy to do more than heal the smallest bruises and lately I don't dare try."

"I understand why," Mei nodded. "In your present condition, risking the use of that much energy could have dire consequences."

"I did alchemy once," Ed said, feeling foolish having to say all these things to Mei, but he'd rather it be her than a strange doctor tomorrow. Winry already looked uncomfortable with the entire discussion, and Mei understood Amestrian. He explained softly. "To save a boy, and we both nearly drowned. That's what caused the second heart attack. That was the first time I'd done it since I screwed up and… and the last."

Mei looked startled. "You haven't done alchemy at all?"

Ed shook his head, looking away. "I gave it up. It was irresponsible to do anything less."

There was a long moment of silence. "I hadn't realized," she admitted quietly. "I should give you some privacy to get settled," she said abruptly after another moment. When Ed looked up she was already folding the silk scarf. "Dinner is in the private dining room in an hour if you would like to join us. If not, please feel free to have it brought to your rooms." She smiled politely at them both, then headed out.

When she was gone, Ed heaved a sigh and fell back on the bed, collapsing into it's cushioned embrace. He closed his eyes, trying not to think about the shock his admission had caused, or her concerns and disappointment.

"Edward?" Winry's voice came from above him, and Ed opened his eyes again. "Are you okay?"

"I will be," he admitted, though he didn't feel it at the moment. "Just one more person whose confidence I betrayed."

"You need to stop beating yourself up over this," Winry sighed, sitting down next to him. "We're here now and everyone here wants to help you put it behind you."

"I'm grateful," Ed replied, reaching up and toying with a dangling lock of her hair. "You know I am. It's just frustrating to be reminded again of how much I screwed up. Tomorrow's probably going to be just as difficult." If not more so.

"Probably," Winry nodded matter-of-factly. "But what I just saw was a concerned friend who wants to help you any way she can. Izumi would probably have hit you again."

"It might have been easier to take," Ed countered, but he smiled. It might have been a more effective way of beating him out of his depression too and making him see sense before he'd nearly torn his family apart. "So what do you think of Mei?" He had been very nervous about introducing the two women, but it seemed to have gone surprisingly smoothly; at least from the surface.

"She's nice," Winry smiled knowingly, clearly aware of his reasons for asking. "I can see why you were confused. She's lovely, warm, and intelligent. But then, she's a lot like our friends back home isn't she? I don't know her very well," she shrugged, "But don't stress about us, Ed. I'm sure we'll get along fine."

"You'd say that even if you hated her," Ed smirked.

"If it would keep you from stressing out even more than usual, than yes," Winry admitted. "But I mean it. Now, do you want to go to dinner or stay in tonight?"

"You should go," Ed replied without hesitation.

Winry frowned. "That's not what I asked."

"I mean it," Ed sighed and sat up. "I'm sorry I just… I'd like a little time alone. Now that we're here, I'm feeling kind of overwhelmed."

Winry looked momentarily hurt but understanding too. "Sure, if that's what you want." She squeezed his hand. "Just remember I want to help you too, okay?"

Ed smiled, and resisted the urge to tell her he didn't deserve her. All that ever got him was a glare and an argument. "I'll remember," he squeezed her hand back. "Right now I think I'm going to need all the help I can get."

"Good." Winry leaned over and kissed him briefly before standing. "But you had better remember to actually order and eat something. If you don't I'm going to have to get rough with you."

"Rough eh?" Ed waggled one eyebrow suggestively. "That a promise?" It was a weak joke; their intimate moments had been sedate and rare of late. Ed wanted nothing more than to be able to tumble into bed with his wife and play the way they used to. If this worked, that was the first thing he was going to do!

"Call it an I.O.U.," Winry chuckled. Then she left him along with his thoughts…and his dog.

* * *

Edward did order up dinner from the kitchens. He wasn't overly hungry, but how could he resist the quality that came from the palace? He ate more than he intended, but was probably better off for it. He sat around for a while petting Pir, then he went exploring the garden outside their room. It wasn't the large one that the royal apartments opened on to, but an equally large one just a wall away. It happened to be one of Edward's favorites from his last visit, and he wondered if that had been taken into account.

The gardens looked very different in full late-spring blossom and Ed lost himself in the scent of flowering trees and bushes, the sound of waterfalls and singing birds. As they had before, the gardens calmed and refreshed him.

After a while, Ed wandered back to the room and began to really unpack. He put his clothes away in the lacquered dresser first, set his razor and other personal items in the bathroom, then emptied the smaller bag onto the bed to sort and organize; his more personal items were last.

"What's all this?" Winry asked when she returned, peeking over his shoulder.

Ed smiled a little self-consciously. "I didn't know how long we'd be gone, so there were just a few things I couldn't leave behind." It was pictures mostly. One of Sara, Franz, and Trisha; there was one that Will had snapped of Ethan – and Lia – during a candid moment when neither of them noticed. It was a cute photo with the two of them eyeing each other sidewise. The third was one Aldon had mailed them recently of his whole family: of him and Cassie, Coran – now almost six, three-year-old Reichart, and the newest addition, baby Urey, named for his great-grandfather. The boy was barely a week old in the photo, though he was almost three months old now. The last photo was of Al, Elicia, Will, and Alyse.

His family; Ed didn't want to admit that he still feared that one day soon he would never see them again. He had Winry with him, but as he had left and said his goodbyes an icy fear gripped his chest. He wasn't superstitious, but Ed knew that if there was a chance, even a risky one, if Winry agreed he _would _take the chance.

There were other things with the pictures, though not many; his State issued pocket-watch, a couple of favorite novels to pass the time, his travelogue for notes (though it held no new alchemical research these days), and a small book with several little marked tabs sticking out of it.

"What's this?" Winry picked it up.

Ed glanced over. "Oh that?" he snorted. "It was something Alphonse handed me."

_I don't expect you to read the whole thing, Ed, or believe in it, but think about what it says. I marked the parts you might actually find of interest._

Winry flipped it open. "But this… this is a religious text from Europe."

"Yeah I know," Ed shrugged. "Usually when Al says I need to read something he hands me history or philosophy. Sometimes it's a play or a novel or something entertaining. This… this is different." He wasn't sure why Al thought he should read it, or even why he should waste time on it. But obviously Al thought it was important enough to take the time to mark it and give it to him.

Winry shrugged. "Al must have thought it would help you," she commented, closing it again gently. "You should read it."

"Are you serious?" Ed looked disbelievingly at his wife. "You know I don't believe any of that nonsense."

The long silence should have told Ed that he had said something Winry didn't like. He didn't turn around, just kept unpacking. "You did once," Winry replied softly after a minute.

Ed sighed. "When was that? I sure don't remember it." It wasn't something he and Winry had discussed in years, and it wasn't like he was ignorant of the subject. Especially not after spending nine years of his life in a world that was still very strongly influenced by monotheistic religions and people who did believe in them very strongly. Al had read the religious text for almost every religion they heard of while they were there; anything he could get in a translation he could read anyway. While Ed knew his brother considered them academically,_ he_ had learned enough to know he really wasn't interested.

"When you were a boy," Winry continued. "When you were a teenager too. You said you didn't, but I talked to Al. You can't blame someone for holding you down if you don't at least believe they exist."

Logic; she would have to hit him with logic. "Old sayings and a convenient scapegoat," Ed replied. Conversations like this made him uncomfortable. That was why he avoided them. "Look," he said to avoid a fight he really didn't want to have with his wife, "I'll take a look at it sometime all right?"

That seemed to mollify her. "All right," Winry said. "Did you enjoy yourself?"  
"Yeah, I did," Ed nodded, relaxing a little. "You?"

Winry smiled as she came around the bed where he could see her. "I did. Jiu and I spent most of it talking about what it's like to have three kids with a roughly ten year spread." That was the distance between Sara and Ethan, and almost that for Jiu's oldest and her baby girl.

"Sounds good," Ed smiled. "How's Will faring with the likely-to-be-in-laws?"

"Just fine," Winry chuckled. "He and Mao have really hit it off. They were talking philosophy most of the evening, when he and Ren and Mei weren't deep in conversation about alchemy. He seems to fit right in."

"I'm glad to hear it." The time on the train had made it evident to Ed that Will and Ren's feelings had deepened, not diminished, over the past several months and Will had admitted during a private conversation that he was fairly sure this was _it_. If this trip went well – and Ed certainly couldn't see it not at this point – Will would probably propose to Ren by the end of the summer. "Anything else I should know about?"

"I called home," Winry said. "I wanted to let everyone know we got here all right. Al was glad to hear from me and he says everything's fine and he hopes you're behaving."

"I always behave," Ed snorted and at Winry's skeptical look he grinned mischievously. "That doesn't necessarily dictate _what_ behavior is being exercised."

"Hopeless," Winry giggled.

"No," Ed reached across the bed and took her hand. "Today, it's hopeful."


	2. Chapter 2

**May 25****th****, 1956 **

Edward was glad they hadn't wasted any time setting up the appointment. As it was he was too nervous to sleep well the first night in a new place. He, Winry, and Mei went over to the main hospital in the Imperial City right after a light breakfast and met Doctor Lo Chan. Ed was glad that Mei had offered to translate. The Doctor did not speak Amestrian, and while Ed certainly understood Xingese pretty well, Winry barely knew the language at all and even Ed wasn't up on the complexities of medical terminology in the language.

Despite having his full records, the doctor insisted on doing a physical examination of his own that was nearly as thorough as the ones back home. The only reason it wasn't was the man said he did not feel the need to examine any parts of him unrelated to the matter at hand.

Doctor Chan, like Mei and Ren before him, did an alchemical examination of well; _determining the composition_ as Ed understood it in this case meant taking a look at the body in ways other than just with the crude medical scans commonly used in Amestris. An alchemical doctor could get a much more detailed idea of the damage and health of any part of the body this way.

"Aside from the scarring and arrhythmia, you're in very good physical shape," Mei translated when the examination was over. "Vital signs are good, weight's decent, and you don't have any other major health concerns that would inhibit treatment."

"Does that mean it can be done?" Ed asked hopefully. That was all he really cared about right now!

"We can attempt treatment if you decide it worth the risks." The doctor nodded, but looked stern. Mei was not smiling either. "However please hear everything before making a decision. Alchemical treatment of organ damage has been attempted in the past, with varying degrees of success. All of the patients who followed directions and were conscientious of their limits showed some improvement."

"And the others?" Winry asked.

Mei sighed and answered herself. "While alchemy done to aid the body's natural healing processes cannot hurt a patient when done properly, that does not mean it is not without risks. If a patient distracts the alchemist, panics, or tries to insist on pushing themselves past their own physical limitations – which are even more in question during the healing process – than they can do further harm to themselves. On occasion, there have been deaths under those circumstances."

Winry's eyes went wide, but Ed had honestly been expecting to hear something to that effect. Still, any improvement would be better than nothing. "How long does treatment take?"

"That depends on several factors, though the primary one is the stamina and strength of the patient," the explanation began. "The sessions last for as long as the patient remains calm and relaxed, so that your heartbeat is steady and constant. Stress and irregularity get in the way of the healing process and disrupt the energy flow." Mei shrugged. "Like all alchemy, it will take a lot of _your _energy, not just that of the alchemist, and so that is also a factor since all the alchemist can do is control the energy flow in direction and intensity. The body must do the real work."

As much weaker as he was compared to how he used to be, Ed knew he was still in pretty good shape. He could handle that much, right? "And taking energy from my body won't hurt my heart or counteract the healing process?"

"Not if you remain calm," Mei reiterated at the doctor's insistence. "At least, it is minimized. That is why it is important to have time between sessions to let you rest and recover, and the length of those may vary from session to session. Usually we start them off two days apart."

"That long?" Ed was beginning to see why this was said to be a lengthy process and they had planned for a stay of several weeks.

"You won't be saying that after the first session if you choose to go through with it," Mei smirked. "Consider how tired you were after you healed that wound in your side, Edward. You were still injured, but the critical healing was done. With your health as it is now, imagine that much energy being used up."

Yeah, Ed got the message. "All right. So this would take a while."

"The most sessions a patient has managed was ten," Mei translated for Lo Chan. "That was the most successful use of alchemy for this type of treatment, and that was trying to reconstruct the sensors that had been damaged in someone's eye. The eye was in tact, but they were rendered blind by trauma to the head. We were able to recover sixty percent of his vision in that eye."

That was pretty incredible. Sixty percent was a lot, Ed knew, even if it didn't feel like it. "So the patient's got to stay calm." That didn't seem so hard. "Don't you just knock them out?" That was what he had been expecting anyway. A sleeping patient was the most likely to remain relaxed and not freak out during any kind of operation. Ed still remembered with reasonable clarity his original auto-mail surgery, despite the years that separated him from that event. He had wished then he could have been unconscious!

He had thought it a relatively reasonable question, but both the doctor and Mei scowled in unison. "That will not be possible for you, Edward," Mei spoke on her own. "The usual option is a light dose of a drug to allow the patient to sleep during sessions, and it wears off while they sleep naturally afterwards. However, the only drug that serves that purpose is _kashu._"

Ed froze, and he heard a small gasp come from Winry, who had sat quietly for quite some time to one side, not interrupting. "And that's not an option." It wasn't a question. Could he have been any more foolish?

Mei nodded. "No responsible physician will give _kashu_ to an addict."

Ed felt his temper flare. "Addict? I only tried it once!"

::And once is all it takes!:: Lo Chan snapped without waiting for Mei to translate. ::An overdose of the magnitude listed here, by the dosage and damage, is more than enough to over-sensitize the body to the addictive properties of _kashu_ for a lifetime.::

"Any painkiller based in the same ingredients would only serve to worsen that sensitivity," Mei explained more calmly. "While you have been able to resist any urges since then, further exposure would only make that more difficult, and the last thing we want to do is worsen that while trying to fix the damage caused by that very event and substance."

"I understand," Ed replied, feeling humbled. "So I'll be awake, and I have to keep everything steady on my own?"

Mei nodded soberly. "That is why this will be unusually difficult. Sessions usually last five to ten minutes. However, in this case, the period of stability will depend entirely on your confidence and self-control."

That… complicated matters. Those were the two things Ed had questioned or lacked most for the past three years. "Will it hurt?" He felt like a baby for asking.

"No more than what you have already felt from us, or from the healing you performed on yourself," Mei shook her head. "It will be uncomfortable because of the concentration of alchemical energy on such a sensitive organ, and will likely be very disconcerting. However you should feel no actual pain."

Good. That helped at least. Ed felt bad that his heart sped up at the thought of pain. He had to have better control than that! "Anything else I should know?"

"As mentioned earlier, you _will_ be exhausted after each session, famished too." Mei smirked slightly at that. "You'll need all the nutrition and rest you can to keep up your strength, so don't worry about eating a lot. It's expected."

"Not that you've ever had a problem with that," Winry chuckled, though she smiled encouragingly.

"No, not really," Ed smiled back weakly.

Mei continued. "We can stop anytime without any further damage, and having fixed whatever we can. No matter what happens, as long as you survive, there should be improvement. However," she added. "We will only allow one run of treatment. As difficult as it is on the body, it is a policy we have had to adopt. If a patient is not capable of continuing, we will not risk further treatment, for their own safety and to avoid that patient being unwilling to accept their situation."

Ed understood. It was difficult to accept a weakened state. That was why he was here after all, looking for any help he could get. But to become obsessed with it, to push until it killed them, he had known people driven to that kind of extremity. There would be only one set of treatments, but he could not disagree with the reasons. "I understand."

Mei seemed to relax a little, as did the Doctor, who still looked stern but less irritated since Ed was being agreeable. "Unfortunately, there are some things even alchemy can't do, as I know you are only too aware. But if you choose to pursue this you will get the best treatment that can be provided."

While she didn't say it, Ed knew it was the best treatment that could be offered in the world. "All right," he nodded simply, not sure what else needed to be said.

"Think about it and make a decision. There is no time line as to when we start other than when you decide, but it would be best if it was sooner rather than later."

Ed definitely didn't intend to dally over this decision. He would make it soon. Or rather, he and Winry would make it soon. He wanted to get her alone and talk to her before he did anything. Still, Ed already knew that he wanted this... if he had his wife's permission.

It was a quiet trip back to the palace. Ed didn't want to talk just yet, his mind stuffed full of all the information they had been given. Winry seemed lost in thought as well, and Mei respectfully quiet.

It was only when Ed and Winry were back in their suite that the subject came up. From the look on Winry's face, Ed already knew her initial reaction.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Edward?" Winry asked, softly hesitant. "Is life so bad now that you want to take the risk?"

Ed gathered her into his arms, in the hug he had been needing most of the drive home. He had stayed cool at the doctor's office, but now he needed some stability, some comfort. He couldn't fake bravery in front of Winry. "There's nothing wrong with you, Winry," he replied, fierce yet quiet. "Not you, not the kids. It's me. Damn it, I just can't live like this forever. It's been three years and I've tried my hardest to improve and do everything Doc Gray and Irons have told me, and I still can't do half of what I used to be able to do without even thinking or breaking a sweat." It hurt even after so much time. "And I'm still scared. Anytime I forget for a while, I push a little too far and my heart reminds me of just how much I've lost all over again." A single tear rolled down his cheek.

"So you've already made up your mind then," Winry spoke softly into his ear. She loosened her own grip to take a step back and look him in the eye. "You want to."

"I need to," Ed replied, swallowing, "but…I won't do it without your agreement, Winry. I promised you that and I'm not going to break another promise to you. If you say no, we'll just go home and that will be the end of it."

Winry smiled and then, to his surprise, shook her head. "No it won't. Even if you never mentioned it again, it would be on your mind; the possibility you never tried. And eventually you would be upset with me for standing in your way even if you didn't mean to." One hand came up and her fingers twined lightly in his long bangs. "I couldn't do that to you, Ed. I know what this means to you, and what it could mean for our life. I want this almost as badly as you do; to have things back the way they were, or at least closer to it. I've already had you for over thirty years more than I ever thought I would, and I think you _are_ strong enough to do this. Just please, make sure you're comfortable with your own reasons for making this decision."

Ed was too stunned by how easily she had agreed to speak for several seconds. Then he crushed her against him in an even tighter hug. "Winry," the words barely squeaked past his lips. Tears fell more steadily. "Oh, damn, I love you."

Winry patted his back with one hand as she hugged him back. "I love you too, Ed. I always have and I always will."

**June 10****th****, 1956**

The two weeks leading up to Edward's first treatment session were busy ones. Edward spent several hours a day sitting with Old Bao, and he had never known how much work being _serene_ could be until now! They spent hours working on meditation exercises, minute calm control of the body, and working through his doubts, his fears. They talked a lot, not unlike when Ed had talked with the psychiatric counselors at HQ, but with a different purpose and a different set of responses.

Ed schooled himself to more patience than he had ever thought he possessed when Bao made him sit in one position, calm and unmoving, for an hour at a time. The alchemical sessions would last only minutes, but Bao pointed out that a minute could seem a year to an anxious mind. Fear did funny things to a person's ability to judge the passage of time and Ed needed to control that and move beyond it.

After the first week, Bao seemed satisfied enough to complicate the exercise. In half-hour segments, he would sit in front of Ed, making Ed close his eyes and sit still. Then he would use alchemy to make various parts of Ed's body tingle. Ed never knew which part it would be or for what period of time. Occasionally it would be more than one part at once. Nothing was being _done_ to him of course, but the goal was to desensitize Ed to being _handled_ with alchemy. He needed to be passive, allow the alchemy to do what it would and not try to take control of the energy flow himself or interfere.

::Your being an experienced alchemist works against you,:: Bao explained at one point. ::Most patients' instincts, even when awake, are to give the Doctor total control and trust that he or she knows best. You are a practitioner of the art, untrained as you are in this particular application. That makes you more likely to want to block anything that you do not understand, or get involved unnecessarily. You see energy, transmutation in action, and you want to understand it, to harness it. This is how we are, but it is how we must not be in such a circumstance.:: He smiled patiently. ::My grand-daughter tells me you have not been using alchemy.::

::She's correct,:: Ed replied, embarrassed. How many people were going to be intimately involved in his personal decisions by the end of this?

::As much as this saddens me, I understand your reasons,:: Bao replied. ::For now at least, this may be a positive development. You already have some experience with _not_ instinctively choosing alchemy as your response. We do not have to worry about you attempting to use alchemy yourself. Still, old instincts are the hardest to work around.::

So they worked, and after the second week Bao seemed satisfied that Ed would not pose an immediate risk to himself in the given circumstances.

The night before the first session, after dinner, Edward lay curled up in bed, the lights off, but a full moon letting plenty of light in through the doors that he had left open to the gardens. It spilled across the floor and bathed a good part of the room in a soft glow. "Winry, you awake?" he asked softly after lying there a while, unable to sleep.

"I am," Winry replied immediately. She rolled over and snuggled against him.

"I'm nervous," Ed admitted, wrapping his arms around her tightly. "This is really happening."

"Think positive," Winry chuckled softly. "You're ready, Ed. You'll do just fine."

"I hope so." Ed leaned just a little and kissed her deeply. "I don't suppose you would be willing to offer a little….distraction?" After tomorrow, who knew when he would ever have the energy? Tonight, he desperately wanted to think about something else.

Winry returned the kiss, chuckling through it as one hand slipped under his night shirt, running lightly across his stomach. Ed shivered at the pleasant sensation. "I'm all yours, Edward."

That night, in the moonlight and wafting scent of cherry blossoms, unrushed, Ed and Winry snuggled, kissed, loved, and finally fell asleep peaceful cradled in each other's arms.

**June 11****th****, 1956**

It was one of the most invigorating and exhausting experiences of Edward's life. Logically, he knew he had no reason to fear alchemy in the hands of a healer, especially not one that was doing his best to undo damage that was Ed's own fault. Still, after so long he couldn't help but be nervous. He put all of the practice with Bao to use; remaining calm, patient, steady, despite the bizarre sensation in his chest and the fact that the real healing session was much stronger and more disconcerting than the little tingling moments because of the sheer amount of alchemical energy coursing through him.

The session occurred in the private medical office the doctors kept within the palace, and Ed was glad for it, because after the longest ten minutes of his life Lo Chan ended the transmutation on his own and Ed, while he had held out that long, was exhausted! He was sweating as if he had just pulled a double workout against Alex Armstrong, and panting slightly. More than anything he felt a heavy tiredness. He was offered a drink of water, a light snack, and then helped back to his and Winry's rooms, where he crashed out on the bed in a deep sleep during which he might have dreamed, but remembered nothing when he awoke in the late afternoon, nearly four hours later.

Winry was waiting when he opened heavy-lidded eyes and looked up into a worried expression on her beautiful face. She smiled immediately. "How do you feel?"

Ed shifted experimentally, groaned a little, and then shrugged slightly. He didn't hurt, he just felt tired. "Pretty good actually," he replied, embarrassed that he sounded as exhausted as he still felt. His stomach twinged then and emitted a growl so loud that Pir's head poked up from the side of the bed, the slightly-bent tips of his ears pricked in surprise. "Starving too," Ed chuckled as he reached out and stroked the pup's head.

"Mei said you would be," Winry chuckled. "Though I could have told them that even if we weren't expecting it. There's a meal here for you."

Ed sniffed and caught the delightful waft of Xingese cuisine in the air. "Bring it on!" he grinned, sitting up with legs crossed. His eyes widened though when he saw how much was heaped on the tray. Okay, sure, he was hungry, but it had been a long time since he'd managed to pack down _that_ much in a meal! "They really meant it when they said this was normal didn't they?" he commented, a little wide eyed as Winry set a tray in his lap.

Winry shrugged. "The instructions were to eat everything and there will be plenty more if you're still hungry afterwards."

"I'll try," Ed chuckled. "But I'm almost afraid I'll disappoint them. I'm not sure I've got room for all this!"

Two of those high-piled trays later – and feeling very much the glutton – Ed was no longer hungry. Or, as much as he hated to admit it, he was _out of room._ If he'd had any left, he had the sneaking suspicion he would still be stuffing his face.

"Feel better?" Winry chuckled as she cleared the plates.

"Less tired," Ed smiled, keeping it positive. It was the least he could do for her. The last thing he wanted was for Winry to worry about him more than she was already. "Though I may suffer for it later," he joked. "So that was it then." One session down, who knew how many left.

"Doctor Chan wants to examine you this evening before deciding when to do the next treatment," Winry informed him patiently. "He said you did really well though."

"Well that's nice to know." It was the only positive comment he'd really gotten from the doctor. Of course, he had the feeling that as much as the man was willing to help he probably agreed with Ed's assessment that most of this was his own stupid fault. Ed experimented with swinging his legs over the side of the bed and standing. He felt tired, but really not too bad. A nap and food definitely helped! "He's welcome to take a look any time I guess. If that's all there really is to it, then let's keep things moving!" That had not been nearly as bad as he had anticipated and being tired and hungry in exchange seemed more than fair. He was definitely coming out on the better end of that deal!

When Chan came to see him a little while later, however, he did not seem nearly as enthusiastic or positive as Ed would have hoped. He didn't say anything overly negative, but Ed's enthusiasm dampened as Chan nodded, frowned a couple of times, and took down notes.  
::What's the verdict, Doc?:: Ed asked politely.

::You will rest tomorrow,:: Chan replied as he stood to go. ::We will resume the morning after.::

Ed felt better already. He wanted to argue. Why wait? But he didn't. He had agreed to follow directions and do as he was told and the last thing he wanted to do was screw up again now! ::Sounds good to me.::

**June 18****th****, 1956 **

By the end of the fourth session, Edward had re-evaluated his opinion of the difficulty of getting through the treatments. He had been feeling slightly tired when he went into the second session, but he had been much more exhausted afterwards than the first time, and just as hungry. Going into the third had been slightly more difficult again. Before the fourth session, there had been a three day span of time between treatments instead of two. Eight days in, and he felt as exhausted as he had after his last heart attack, but without the pain of the actual event.

The reality of the situation lay in the results. Mei informed him – as he lay resting up enough to make it back to his room – that the four sessions had yielded an estimated twenty-five percent reduction of the scarred tissue-damage to his heart. This was, she assured him, fantastic progress! Ed was very glad to hear it, but he began to wonder if he could make it the_ twelve _more sessions it would take to completely heal the damage _if_ the progress made each session was the same. He had barely made it the ten minutes this last time before he simply grew too tired to continue.

He would make it though. As long as they would let him, he had to try.

* * *

Winry was getting used to spending a lot of time watching Edward sleep. It had been a four hour nap the first time, with another long nap the next day despite Ed's insistence that he felt a lot better. It had been two five hour naps to the third session, and three of them – all on top of full nights of rest – to the fourth. He ate ravenously as well, though she was used to that behavior from him, and was honestly glad to see it after the past couple of years. At least _that_ was a little more like the Ed he had been before!

Still, it was lonely. After a week, watching him sleep had lost its urgency. He was all right, and it wasn't as if she had to go far to find companionship or something to do. While Will was supportive, he was rather wrapped up in spending time with Ren and her family and getting started in on research at the National Library of Xing and talking to some of the other alchemists in the city about his research.

Winry found good companionship – perhaps unsurprisingly – in Mei Xian. They talked about their children, they talked about cooking and art, medicine, and even machinery. Winry enjoyed learning about the gardens too. The amount of thought put into them was impressive, and she enjoyed anything that was put together with so much careful planning and consideration. The end results were as beautiful and calming as Edward had told her.

This afternoon, Winry found herself sitting on the ground at a low table in one of the gardens, legs crossed, sipping from a very nice cup of tea and chatting with Mei. Winry had finally dared to ask a little about Mei's dead husband, and had gotten a sweet and sad story about their life together before his murder. Winry was not surprised Mei had not remarried. Gracia never had, and for much the same reasons.

"You're fortunate," Mei smiled as she poured more tea. "I am amazed at how much Edward has survived."

"You're not the only one," Winry chuckled softly. "I could wish we'd had fewer adventures, but he always seems to find a way to come through."

"Even when he causes the problem?" Mei asked then she sighed and fidgeted with her cup in her hands. "Winry, may I be candid?"

Winry paused, her cup half way to her lips. "Of course," she replied before sipping. She wondered what was on the other woman's mind though. Mei clearly looked like she wasn't sure Winry would like what she was about to say. Winry wasn't entirely sure either. "What's on your mind?"

Mei looked her in the eyes. "I still feel somewhat responsible for this. I answered all of Edward's questions and it never occurred to me something like this could happen. He didn't seem the type."

"You didn't do anything wrong. He isn't usually the type," Winry replied, knowing the irony in that statement given past events. "Ed says he didn't do it on purpose, that it was an accident."

"Do you believe him?" Mei asked.

Winry sighed. "I want to and really I think so, but I don't think _he_ does. I think he's afraid that some part of him he doesn't want to acknowledge that maybe he wanted to die that night."

"You really think so?" Mei looked startled.

"I left because I couldn't take watching him tear himself apart again after the war," Winry replied softly. "I had hoped that maybe it was the wake-up we _both _needed. But he just… gave up instead. When he begged me to take him back, he said something then… he said it wasn't worth living without me. I think he knew how close he came and I know he's afraid of that."

Mei nodded sadly. "That is difficult, and it sounds like Edward, the fear and guilt I mean," she added, clarifying.

Winry watched Mei for a moment. "You know, Ed didn't want to tell me about you."

Mei startled. "He didn't?"

Winry shook her head. "He was worried that I would be jealous."

"Why is that?" Mei looked uncomfortable again, if not more so than when she had said she felt responsible for Ed's actions; something Winry still didn't entirely understand.

"Because when he was here he was worried that your friendship might be misconstrued." Winry left it simple. If Ed wanted to tell Mei the depths of the mess in his mind, that was his choice.

To her surprise, Mei blushed deeply. "I fear I might have given him that idea," she admitted softly.

Mei had? Ed had said it was entirely in his own mind, mistaken friendship. "What do you mean?"

Mei smiled sheepishly. "I am sure I am not the first, but it is difficult not to find Edward attractive. However, I would never want to hurt anyone's relationship, especially not that of friends, and friendship is all either of us really desired. So I never told him but I suspect he may have picked up on my crush despite the fact that I tried to hide it." She sipped. "I never had any intention of acting on it. He talked about you often and that is simply _not _the way I do things." She sniffed slightly at the last.

While Winry felt most women would be jealous of Mei's admission of interest in her husband, Winry merely felt amused. Nothing had happened, not even close, and Winry was used to women admiring Ed. "Somehow I didn't think so," Winry smiled.

Mei chuckled, relaxing a little, though she still looked a little bothered. "That is part of why I feel responsible," she admitted then. "I can't say for sure if that was part of what clouded my judgment when it came to discussing Xing alchemy with Edward. He is my equal in most respects, and quickly became a friend, but I should have considered his role as a student more seriously."

"We've already established it's Ed's fault," Winry assured Mei. "He wasn't thinking clearly. There's plenty of information in his head even more dangerous if it was ever used that he hasn't made use of." And some that he had. "And just so it's been said, I don't hold it against you, or the fact that you think he's cute," she grinned. "After all, I can't really argue with you."

Mei looked at her for a moment, bewildered, before breaking into a smile herself. "Edward did not exaggerate when he talked about your kindness and level head," she chuckled. "Thank you, Winry. I've been concerned about some of this for years, more-so since Renxiang called me last winter to tell me about Edward's maladies. I was horrified to hear what had happened. I only wish we could do more for him."

Winry had been touched by the kindness of the Xian family in offering everything they had already. "What more is there?" she asked. She certainly couldn't think of anything. "As you've said, Doctor Chan is the best doctor for this in Xing, and that makes him the best in the world that we know of. You've offered us your home, hospitality, friendship." It was actually a little overwhelming.

Mei smiled sadly. "Assurance that we could undo all the sadness and damage done to his spirit as well as his body. He hardly seems the man I met five years ago."

"He's not," Winry nodded. It was so nice to have someone who actually seemed to understand how she felt. It wasn't that their family didn't, but somehow it was easier to talk to Mei; less like she was burdening someone else. Mei had chosen to help with that burden on her own. "He tries, but he couldn't live like that for the rest of his life. Not and be happy. That's why I agreed to this in the first place. He feels unnecessary now, incapable of being useful or anything but a burden. I don't want that for him." She used one hand to wipe a tear from the corner of her eye. She still remembered overhearing Ed's _conversation_ with his mother's grave, and the things he had told her that day. No matter how much improved he was since their reunion, he was not the same. It broke her heart to see him so lost.

"No one does," Mei said. "Perhaps, while he is here, Edward will come to terms with other parts of his life and find some peace."

Winry smiled at the hopefulness in Mei's tone. "I hope so, Mei. I really hope so."


	3. Chapter 3

**June 21****st****, 1956**

_It took Edward a moment to realize that something had disrupted the dream he was having. Or rather, someone. He opened his eyes and glanced down towards the end of the bed. When he saw who was sitting there, he nearly jumped out of bed in surprise! "What the hell?" _

_Maes Hughes smirked at him from the end of the bed where he sat, grinning like a cat and looking like he hadn't aged a day since Edward had last seen him over forty years ago. "Is that anyway to greet an old friend, Edward?" he teased. _

_Ed blinked, his mouth gone dry and he was sure his eyes were going to pop right out of his head. "Am I dead?" _

_"Of course not!" Hughes laughed. "You're still in Xing. You're just dreaming, Ed. I thought you'd been spending so much time unconscious lately that I'd come keep you company." _

_Yeah, he _ had _to be dreaming this! Though it was one of the most lucid dreams Ed had ever experienced. "All right," he tried to calm himself. If it was a dream, there was no reason to be freaked out. Just because he'd never had a dream about Hughes before…. He was just that tired obviously! He'd run out of the usual dreams from all the resting he'd been doing between treatments and his mind was getting creative!_

_"Do you always feel the need to rationalize your dreams?" Hughes asked. _

_"You tell me," Ed smirked. "You're the one who's a figment of my apparently over-taxed imagination."_

_"Right, of course," Hughes nodded vaguely. "Well I'd ask how you've been and all that usual small talk, but seeing as how I already have a pretty good idea, we'll skip the odd pleasantries and get down to chewing the fat like old friends." _

_"Nice choice of phrase," Ed relaxed. Well at least it was an amusing and pleasant dream instead of a nightmare! "So what's the topic of conversation? I mean you probably already know everything I do right? What can I tell you that you don't know?" _

_"Surprisingly, quite a bit," Hughes smiled kindly, his expression softening. "I'm no mind-reader, Ed, whatever you think. I know a lot of events sure, but not motivations, not thoughts or feelings. You pick the topic." _

_That turned out to be surprisingly easy. Ed started with Gracia and Elicia; they had always been Hughes' favorite topic of discussion of course! Hughes listened to whatever stories Ed had about them for as long as Ed felt like talking. He had no idea how long it had really been; it was a dream after all. _

_"I'm glad they're happy," Hughes said softly when Ed finally took a break, tired out even in a dream. How pathetic was that anyway? Hughes' sad grin became a little more mischievous a moment later. "Alphonse is lucky I approve." _

_"What were you going to do otherwise, haunt him?" Ed joked. _

_"Maybe," Hughes chuckled. "Really though, Ed, I'm grateful to both of you. I couldn't have picked two better men to take care of my family." _

_Ed was embarrassed by the praise. He shrugged. "Al does more than I do." He was the one who was married to Elicia! Gracia lived with them now._

_"There are more ways to support the people you care about than keeping a roof over their heads and food on the table," Hughes pointed out. "I wish I could have met Will and Alyse though," he commented quietly after several moments. "And your kids too; what a great family. So much to be proud of." _

_"Not lately," Ed snorted bitterly, his good mood fading. "I nearly wrecked it all, and almost got myself killed in the process."_

_"So I noticed," Hughes replied sardonically. "You're too hard on yourself, Edward. You always have been; trying to push through on your own and take care of you and everyone else, even when they're trying to take care of you. It complicates life unnecessarily." _

_"So I noticed," Ed repeated Hughes' words with a wry smirk. As the conversation lulled, Ed had the oddest urge to ask a question of the man to whom he had never gotten the chance to say goodbye. It seemed so strange sitting here, chatting as if nothing had ever really happened, and not discuss the past. "Hughes, are you… disappointed in me?" _

_The apparition – or whatever he was – looked surprised by the question, caught off guard. "Disappointed? No, Ed. I knew you and Alphonse would succeed someday, and sure you've had pitfalls, but if that was enough to shake my confidence in someone, I'd have given up on Roy before he got out of Ishbal," he smirked at that. "No, you're stronger than you think you are, Ed. I know that. I'd just hoped some day you'd figure out how that can be without having to try and take the whole world on your shoulders. No wonder you're still so short." _

_"Hey!" Ed glared at him, then stopped, and couldn't help the laugh that escaped his lips. How long had it been since he'd actually _reacted _to a short slight? "Maybe so," he put the joke back on himself. The world _was_ a pretty heavy burden, and the man had a good point, as always. _

_Hughes looked up for a moment, then shook his head. "They'll be here with dinner soon. You've got a shorter road ahead of you this time, but the climb's that much tougher. I should get going." _

_"Until another dream?" Ed teased. At least he was getting more entertainment than he had in a while. This was much better than nightmares or half-remembered visions of mixed memories. _

_"Sorry, but no. That's not possible. Give Roy a message for me when you see him," Hughes said as he stood. "Tell him 'I'm glad you finally took my advice. It took you long enough to look behind you.'"_

_"What's that supposed to mean?" Ed frowned at the cryptic statement._

_"Don't worry," Hughes headed for the door out into the gardens. "Just give him the message. He'll know what it means." _

_As he left, Ed felt something outside of the dream, a hand on his shoulder, and heard Winry's voice. Apparently it was dinner time. Shit! "Hughes!" Ed called out, hoping the man could still hear him. "I never got to say, Thank you!" _

_The voice that replied didn't seem to come from the doorway, but from somewhere around Ed with no pinpointable location. "You're welcome, Ed." _

**June 25****th****, 1956**

_The second time it happened, Edward was only mildly more prepared. Days of normal dreams and then, during the nap period right after the next alchemical treatment, he found himself in another oddly lucid dream. He felt like he ought to be awake but the world felt just a little off, which told him he was still dreaming. It felt emptier somehow, and there were none of the usual ambient sounds. _

_This time, his guest showed up at the table in the middle of the room, sitting comfortably, a cigarette in his mouth and a couple of bottles of beer on the table. "Sit down and have a drink with me, Ed." _

_So much for _Hi, how's it going?

_"No thanks," Ed replied, unsure why he wanted to avoid being rude to a dream manifestation of a dead friend and former drinking buddy! What else would he have expected from Havoc? "I gave that up." Not that Havoc would know that. Or really, he should. This was Ed's dream! _

_"Which time?" Havoc smirked. "After Xing? After my _untimely demise? _Or after that wallowing dive you took into self-pity after the mess in Aerugo? Oh get your ass over here and sit down. You're not awake. It's not real beer. You couldn't get drunk off it if you wanted to. Just enjoy it. After all, when's the next time you're going to get this offer?" _

_"You're as polite as ever," Ed snorted, though he got up out of bed – a surprisingly easy task unconscious – and joined Havoc at the table. "I guess I shouldn't expect differently." _

_"No, not really," Havoc agreed, taking a drag of his cigarette and exhaling. _

_"I'd have thought you'd give those things up," Ed commented without thinking as he picked up the open bottle. _

_"I'm dead," Havoc replied flatly, though at least he was smiling. "Can't hurt me now, so why bother?" _

_"Point taken." Ed sniffed the bottle, then took a sip. Yeah, it tasted reasonably like decent beer. Why couldn't he at least dream of the quality stuff? _

_"Besides, you're one to talk," Havoc went on. "You thought I was dumb for my bad habits, and look at what you pulled!" He shook his head. "Talk about messed up."_

_"Yeah, yeah," Ed groused and drank. "That topic's been beaten to death. New subject." _

_"I don't think so," Havoc smirked. "You've had a lot of people scared and I've wanted my say for quite some time. When I said you made a lousy soldier, that wasn't a challenge." _

_"So did I prove you right or wrong?" Ed asked. _

_"Both," Havoc shrugged. "You _are_ a lousy soldier, but you're pretty good at acting the part. You're an alchemist, just like Mustang. Not sure I should forgive either of you for making girls' cry."_

_He was enjoying hitting guilt buttons wasn't he? "Like you didn't?" Ed countered defensively. "What about Grace? You never even told her you were sick." _

_Havoc looked guilty, but only momentarily. "I didn't want her to worry," he admitted more softly, the joking gone. "She'd suffered enough and I knew where it would end eventually. Bad hearts run in the family. I was lucky I made it as long as I did in the military." _

_"She told me she wished she'd known," Ed replied. "She's a strong woman, Jean. She could have handled it." _

_"I know," Havoc chuckled through a cloud of smoke. "She made my last years some of the best. Hey, at least I went before I had to get old and run down," he grinned impishly. "No, you're right," he softened again. "I wish I could have told her. There are a lot of things I wish I could have told a lot of people."_

_"Like telling me I'm an idiot?" Ed set down the bottle, half-finished. _

_"Maybe," Havoc smiled. "Though I think enough people have told you that for the message to get through. It does seem to me that you always end up getting your way, even when it turns out to be a bad idea." _

_Ed bristled. "What's that supposed to mean?" _

_"It means you get what you ask for, like the old proverbs say," Havoc shrugged. "You're a stubborn son of a bitch, Ed. Stay that way." _

_"Thanks, I think." The world around them blurred then refocused briefly, something Ed had noticed signified him coming to wakefulness. "Is that your great piece of wisdom?" _

_"What makes you think I came here to offer great wisdom?" Havoc laughed, picking up his own beer and drinking. "I just came to have a drink with an old friend." _

**June 27****th****, 1956**

Six treatments down and progress continued to be steady. Ed was glad Mei and Lo Chan were pleased with the healing because Ed was definitely feeling it! He was beginning to feel like all he did was sleep and eat. That wasn't entirely the case, but even when he was up and moving around he was tired.

This morning – okay it was ten already – he felt pretty good. He got up, bathed, got dressed, ate breakfast, and decided to go for a walk. Pir tagged along beside him, carrying a small brightly colored ball that he had been given by Mao's sons.

As much as Ed enjoyed just wandering the gardens some days, today he had a purpose. He headed into the large garden outside the bedroom, heading for the center. As he expected, he found Old Bao sitting on the grass in the warm sun, meditating peacefully.

Ed paused next to the stream, waiting for Bao to address him. The man would have noticed him coming. Woe to the foe who ever assumed that Bao was asleep or inattentive.

::Good morning, Edward,:: Bao opened his eyes after a minute and smiled at him. ::How are you feeling?::

::Besides tired and hungry?:: Ed joked as he sat down across from Bao. ::Pretty good considering. Actually, if you don't mind, I had a question for you.::

::You are welcome to ask anything you like, and I will answer if I am able,:: Bao nodded.

::This may sound crazy,:: Ed began, smiling uneasily, ::But after the last couple of sessions, I've had these strange dreams.::

::How are they strange?:: Bao asked.

Ed shrugged. ::They're both about friends who died.::

::Given your current situation, is this really all that unusual?:: Bao suggested.

::I guess not,:: Ed admitted. ::I've been thinking a lot about death lately, and life. Hughes was killed when I was a teenager, Havoc died after my last visit here, of a heart attack."

::And they were both friends,:: Bao nodded. ::It seems reasonable that they would appear in your dreams.::

Ed got the feeling there was something Bao wasn't saying. ::That's not what makes them odd though,:: Ed admitted, pushing for more. ::Normally my dreams take place where I would see people, when I dream about the past I mean. But these weren't in the past, and they took place in my room here. We talked about the past, but conversationally.::

::It sounds as if you think these might be more than just dreams,:: Bao said questioningly.

::I told you, it's silly,:: Ed shook his head. ::But _are_ they just dreams? The conversations are so real.::

::It could be that you knew them well enough that your mind would supply things they are likely to say,:: Bao pointed out. ::This is the case with most dreams; they compile bits of conversations we have had before, or extrapolate based on what we know of a person.::

::This was different,:: Ed insisted, aware of how foolish he probably sounded. ::Has anyone else going through these treatments ever had dreams?::

Bao smiled. ::It is rare, even in these instances, but yes, people being treated to the extremity you are with alchemical healing treatments have reported dreams in the past, though not usually with the clarity you describe. Those who see it most clearly are those who are the most attuned to alchemy; alchemists or younger children.::

Children? Ed supposed that made sense, given a child's closer connection to the Gate as well. ::So is it a side effect? Does it effect the mind?::

::There are several theories,:: Bao explained patiently. ::Some believe that the exposure to alchemy on this level leaves the patient more open and attached to the world itself, and what lies beyond, allowing limited communication with souls who have left this world.::

::So I could have actually been speaking with Hughes and Havoc?:: The idea gave Ed pause. It had felt so much like they were there, it had been easy to slip into the dream and treat them like they were real.

::It is possible,:: Bao chuckled softly. ::Many things cannot be explained, and it is merely a theory. The dreams have never continued past the end of the treatments, and the range of _who_ the patient spoke to has varied, but it has normally been someone to whom they had a close attachment. For children, it is usually a lost parent, grandparent, or friend, sometimes a pet. For others friends, spouses, anyone they felt a strong bond with for any reason, even if they did not know them well.:: He was so calm about the whole thing. ::Whatever they are, real or not, I recommend you treat them as such if you can. The world only flows one way, but that flow does not necessarily deny this kind of occurrence. Consider them gifts of the universe. No one I have spoken with has ever regretted these dreams.::

::All right,:: Ed nodded. ::I will.:: If he had any more, which seemed likely given how many more treatments lay ahead, than he would treat them like they were really there. After all, the chance to talk to the people he had never said goodbye to was something he wouldn't waste twice! No matter how silly it might feel. He wasn't sure if he should feel comforted or creeped out, but it seemed pathetic to be afraid of what had been harmless dreams that had, in their own way, made him feel better. At least so far. ::Thanks, old man,:: he chuckled. ::Have you ever had this kind of treatment?:: the thought came to him then.

::I have,:: Bao nodded. ::I had a very nasty break in my hip about ten years ago.::

::Did you…dream?::

::I did.:: Bao smiled. ::And you don't have to ask. I dreamed of my dead wife, my brothers, and my parents. They told me things I did not know.::

::Was any of it true?::

::The things I could verify with others,:: Bao confirmed. ::The rest I must take on faith, but none of it has ever been disproved.::

If it required alchemical treatment of this magnitude to allow such contact, Ed could see why it would be so difficult and rare, but it also made him wonder how close to death the patient was skirting themselves if it was _really_ conversing with the souls of the dead. Ed didn't find that as disturbing as some might; not after dealing with Al's soul attachment and bringing his body back from the gate. Not after their own experiences going through the gate. He had too much practical experience to dismiss the possibility that this was an explicable alchemical event.

::Did anyone else believe you when you told them?:: Ed asked with a soft chuckle.

::I have told very few,:: Bao admitted. ::Much of what was discussed was very personal. I can say that only _some _people took me seriously.::

Not that Ed had any intention of going around telling people he was having dreams where he thought he might be talking to the dead! Still, he was glad to know he wasn't completely losing his mind. ::Thank you,:: he replied as Pir started nosing his left arm impatiently. Ed smiled. ::I should probably go. I appreciate the insight.::

::You always know where to find me,:: Bao said with some amusement as Ed stood to go.

::And that's very reassuring,:: Ed replied as Bao closed his eyes and resumed his meditating. For a man of a hundred and seven, Ed had to admit he looked pretty good! He hoped that someday, if he lived to be that old, he was even remotely as content with life.

**July 2****nd****, 1956**

Winry was definitely beginning to feel lonely. They were three weeks into Edward's treatments and every time he came out more exhausted. If she wanted to catch him awake about the only time she could guarantee that was before his treatments, or during meals. When he was awake they spent time together. She would go with him on walks in the garden or the palace. Sometimes Ed was up for a couple of hours of conversation with their hosts, or a game of chess, or a walk, but more often now he was awake long enough to use the restroom, bathe when necessary, and maybe talk a little.

If the level of improvement kept up, they were half way done. But as Mei had told them, no patient had ever gone past ten treatments, and Ed was starting to have trouble making it a full ten minute treatment. The chances were likely that, while they were doing a lot of good, not everything could be fixed. Winry had expected as much, but she worried about Ed. He seemed more and more determined with each treatment that he would persevere until all of the scarring was gone.

"I really think I can do it, Winry," Ed smiled encouragingly as he got ready for the seventh treatment. "I can feel the difference," he tapped the center of his chest lightly with one hand. "It's steadier and a little easier."

"I'm glad," Winry smiled, hugging him tightly. "Just a few more, right?"

"Right!"

Winry wished she was as confident as Ed sounded. She had the feeling that in another couple of treatments he was going to be sorely disappointed.

* * *

Only eight minutes. Ed wanted to kick himself. He had tried his best, but when he felt himself swaying and drifting, the next thing he knew Doctor Chan had stopped the transmutation, and Ed was being laid back gently on the bed, sweating profusely as usual, exhausted and panting. So tired; but just a few minutes and he'd be fine. He knew it.

_"You always did push yourself too hard."_

_Ed blinked and opened his eyes. He knew that voice. Standing next to the bed in the medical office within the palace was Pinako! "Hey Grans," he chuckled tiredly. "This is nothing."_

_"Don't lie to me," Pinako scowled then sighed. "I may be a little out of the loop but I know what you've been up to. What were you thinking, Edward? Leading a war? Ignoring Winry and Alphonse like that. I thought you at least had a mind to reason with and ears to listen."_

_"Hey, I did," Ed objected, "Eventually." _

_"I'm getting tired of standing by sick beds with you in them," Pinako replied. "Or watching Winry do the same. You'd better have your act together this time, boy." _

_"I'm trying," Ed replied feeling oddly humbled. "I swear I am. That's what I'm doing here." _

_"Just remember to ask yourself what you're really doing this for," Pinako smirked. "I've always told you that. Sometimes it's well and good to do things for yourself, but don't forget about everyone else when it comes to the critical moment." _

_Ed thought he understood. Pinako had asked him that when he became a State Alchemist and wanted to repair his and Al's bodies. It was something he had failed to do many times since then, even when he thought he was doing something for everyone else's benefit. He hadn't thought it through to see if it really would. "I'll remember," he promised. "I'm tired of hurting and disappointing people." _

_"Good. I'd hate to think you were enjoying it. I never thought I'd see a day when Winry headed away from you instead of towards."_

_Ed hazarded a weak joke to push past his unease. "You didn't, Pinako."_

_"Still correcting your elders, Ed?" Pinako shook her head. "I'm happy my house is full of life you know. It was never meant to sit empty." She smiled more gently. "I wish my children could have seen it too. Little Urey looks just like my Urey did as a baby." _

_"Does he?" Ed could sort of remember what Winry's parents looked like – there were enough pictures – but he had never seen any of them much younger than when Winry was born. Cameras hadn't been as common or easy to use. _

_"The spitting image. Your grandsons are good looking boys. Not that I'd expect less in our family," she grinned wickedly. _

_Ed got the feeling he didn't want to ask exactly what Pinako was thinking. "They're great kids." _

_"Get better," Pinako's expression softened slightly, at least as much as it ever did. "They're going to need you in their lives as much as your children did." _

_The statement made Ed uneasy. "You don't mean something's going to happen…do you?" The idea of losing Aldon and Cassie…_

_"Do I look omniscient?" Pinako snorted. "No one knows what the future holds, Edward. You of all people should know that by now. But family needs family, and unless I miss my guess there'll be more alchemists in yours, and they'll need a good teacher. Or are you going to let Al have all the fun?" _

_Ed bit his tongue on the clever quip that almost came out. Of course not! Or at least, he would have said that if he had meant it. "Maybe," he replied softly. "He's a better teacher."_

_"Oh that's bullshit," Pinako startled him with the ferocity of her statement. "Remember what I just told you, Edward, and apply it." She stepped back then. "Give Winry my love. I couldn't be prouder of her." _

_When she was gone, Ed was left alone in the dream. Slowly he felt it fading into what seemed more normal sleep, but as it did, he wondered… when he had given up using alchemy, who _was_ benefiting from that decision? _

**July 4****th****, 1956**

The halls were quiet as Winry made her way from the palace library back towards the room she shared with Ed. It was a couple of hours after lunch, so she was sure he was probably asleep, but she had grown tired of having little to do. Fortunately the library did have books in languages other than Xingese, and Winry had found herself reading whatever they had to keep herself entertained when she wasn't talking with the doctors about auto-mail – they did have auto-mail mechanics in Xing, with their own way of doing things – or chatting with Mei.

The newest book she had picked up was actually about early Xingese auto-mail designs. Winry had heard of it, but it had never sold well in Amestris and was difficult to find even in used bookstores. She was looking forward to reading it.

She was so absorbed in the book that she didn't hear anyone around the corner in the hall until she rounded it and found Will and Ren up against one wall, kissing rather passionately. She couldn't help chuckling as she cleared her throat to alert them to her presence.

The couple froze for a moment, eyes popping open as they stepped abruptly apart, then they both relaxed when they saw who it was. "Oh hi, Aunt Winry," Will chuckled, embarrassed.

"William," Winry grinned. "I'm sure there's a very good reason you didn't find someplace more private for this little encounter?"

Ren blushed even brighter than Will. "Will finished work early today. It was…not planned."

"Oh relax," Winry soothed. "It's not as if anyone likely to be in this hallway is going to object, but you might want to consider someplace with more privacy."

"I'll keep that in mind," Will chuckled. "Actually, we were hoping to find you."

"Well you weren't going to do it like that!"

"Well, no," Will laughed. "But we were wondering if you wanted to come out with us tonight? We were going to this restaurant Ren knows and then to see a play. It's traditional Xingese theatre, so you don't really need to understand most of what they're saying to understand the story. There's almost no dialogue anyway."

"That does sound like fun," Winry was touched by the offer. "Are you sure you want me along?"

"Taking you was part of the point," Will replied. "You spend a lot of time watching Uncle Ed sleep, and you'll never convince me that's exciting. You shouldn't spend your entire trip to Xing like that. I'm sure Uncle Ed wants you to have a good time."

Winry felt guilty about how nice the idea of being out of the palace for a while felt, but she knew Will was right. Ed would laugh at her for choosing to sit and watch him _sleep_, and since there were plenty of people keeping an eye on him there was no reason to spend all her time in their room or in the Imperial wing. "Thank you," she smiled at them both. "That sounds delightful. How formal do I need to dress?"

"Nothing fancy," Will assured her. "Anything you usually wear out will be fine. We'll come get you in an hour?"

That was good. Winry had brought a couple of nice outfits, but nothing particularly formal or dressy. This wasn't exactly planned to be a pleasure vacation. "All right," Winry agreed before they parted. Her spirits felt a little lighter, and she looked forward to the evening's festivities.

She was surprised when she got back to the room to find that Ed was actually awake! "Look who's up," she chuckled as she crossed the room. Ed was definitely awake, and apparently had been for a little bit, because there was a half finished tray of food in front of him.

Ed grinned. "Yeah, well I was hungry. Even I can't sleep through my stomach trying to gnaw its way out through my ribcage."

"Now there's an image," Winry sat down on the edge of the bed and leaned over. Ed complied, kissing her. "I got invited out for dinner. You don't mind if I go do you?"

"Depends," Ed snickered. "What's his name?"

"William Elric," Winry smirked back. "Will and Ren think I spend too much time watching you sleep."

"They're probably right," Ed replied, reaching out and giving her hand a squeeze. "And I'm not in any shape to go with you," he admitted reluctantly. "Not yet," he corrected.

"Patience," Winry smiled, returning the hand squeeze. "Soon we'll be doing all sorts of things together, the way we used to." Even if all they managed was to restore Ed to how he had been before the second heart attack, life had been pretty good. They would still have to be careful, but Ed had been much more capable and active then. That would be enough to make Winry happy. She hoped it would be enough for Ed.

"You bet we will," Ed nodded. "You go have a good time tonight. If I'm awake long enough to get bored I'll read one of the books I brought along."

Winry smiled. "Wouldn't that be a nice change of pace?"

"You won't hear me complaining." Ed seemed to be in pretty good spirits. "So, do I get to watch you figure out what to wear tonight?"

"You _want_ to watch me pick out clothes?" Winry gave him a puzzled look.

Ed wiggled his eyebrows. "Well I can't do much else, but at least I can watch you change."

Winry chuckled and kissed him again. "Well I guess the least I can do is give you a good show."


	4. Chapter 4

**July 5****th****, 1956 **

_Only seven and a half minutes this time. Ed barely had time to register that the session had ended before he found himself asleep. This time his _visitor _was practically waiting for him. _

_"You idiot," Izumi Curtis stood beside the bed, hands on her hips, shaking her head in exasperation. She sounded irritated and looked angry. _

_"Good to see you too, Teacher," Ed quipped. Of all the faces of long-lost friends and family over the years, Izumi was perhaps one of the most welcome and yet most feared. It didn't matter that she couldn't _technically _hurt him in his dreams; but he had faced her disappointment before, and doing it to her again was almost physically painful. "Do we chat before or after I'm broken and bleeding?"_

_"I didn't come here to beat you up, however much you may deserve it," Izumi shook her head. _

_"I'm sorry," Ed replied, not waiting to be asked. "I've d-" _

_"Or to hear you whine and apologize like a boy," Izumi cut him off sharply. "You're a grown man, Edward, so act like it." _

_"What should I be doing then?" Ed asked wryly. _

_"Taking responsibility for your actions," Izumi snapped. _

_Wasn't that what he had been doing? "I'd have thought the consequences were enough," Ed countered. "I'm here trying to fix things. I'm well aware of how much I screwed up, Teacher, believe it or not." _

_Izumi shook her head. "You don't get it at all. You may be trying to fix your body, you've patched up strained relationships, but you're still running away."_

_"From what?" _

_"You can't give up on alchemy, Ed," Izumi frowned. "Are you stupid? So you made a rather catastrophic mistake; and your answer is to stop using the best tool you have for something that is not alchemy's fault." _

_Ed's temper flared and he sat up sharply. "Hey! I stopped using alchemy-"_

_"Because you didn't trust yourself with it," Izumi replied, almost mocking. "Don't feed me that bullshit. You didn't stop doing alchemy when you failed at human transmutation. Quite the opposite in fact. You kept learning and you made sure to use it right. You didn't stop when you and Al were trying to find ways to get through the Gate did you? Or in any of a hundred battle situations where you've had to take lives. But one slip up where you nearly lose your own out of your own foolish stupidity… and you suddenly decide you can't handle the responsibility?" Izumi had moved right up to the edge of the bed, and she and Ed were face to face, her eyes flashing with anger the way they always had. _

_"You have a responsibility to others; to the people you can help, the ones that you still teach," she continued without giving him a moment to interject. "You can't stop doing alchemy, Ed. You can't just run away because you did something dumb and scared yourself shitless. Consider this a learning experience." She smirked and straightened up a little. "What is it you've been telling people for years;_

_you've got to get up and move forward."_

_Finally, Ed had a moment to get in a word and he found himself unsure what to say. Izumi was right; of course she was. Izumi was almost always right. "Do we ever stop learning?"_

_"Not even after the day we die," Izumi replied, her expression softening then, the way he had seen only a handful of times. Ed knew that Izumi loved him and Al almost as much as their mother had, possibly _ as_ much in her own way. "You can't go back and change the past, Ed, but you can still shape your own future. Have faith in yourself. I think you're too stubborn to really quit alchemy forever; and too curious."_

_Ed chuckled. She had a point there too. "It may take a little time," he admitted. "I was afraid to after the second attack, mostly cause I haven't been sure how much I can handle anymore. It was safer to avoid it than to misjudge." _

_"You mean it was easier," Izumi contradicted him with a nod. "But I understand why you did it. Give me a little more credit, Ed. Despite the years, you haven't changed _that _much. At least not in _how _you think." _

_"I've aged more than you have," Ed laughed, not minding a little joke at his own expense. He had gotten used to the fact that he was older than any surviving picture of a lot of the people who had raised him; his mother had died so young, about Sara's age now, and Izumi not all that much older relatively speaking. _

_"I'd say you wear the years well, but it's been a while since that was the truth," Izumi chuckled. Her voice was quiet then, and surprisingly calm. "The world wears on us all given enough time, but often we are hardest on ourselves. All we can do is our best, and be honest with ourselves and others. I'm not telling you to go erect cities or bring down civilizations with alchemy, but if you hide from a part of yourself, you'll never be whole. Now," she grinned. "If you like, I'm happy to kick your ass." _

_"In this shape?" Ed laughed. "I don't think it would be much of a fight, Teacher. Most days I can barely take enough of a walk to stretch out the kinks in my legs." _

_"You're dreaming, remember?" Izumi sighed, crossing her arms. "Physical limits don't extend into your sleep. So what do you say, are you up for showing me some of the things you've supposedly learned without me here to guide your every step?" _

_She was taunting now. Ed couldn't help grinning as he hopped out of bed as easily as he would have five years ago. "You want a fight, you've got it! But don't say I didn't warn you." _

**July 9****th****, 1956**

_Edward was expecting the dream this time, though he wasn't entirely sure who he expected as he dealt with the disappointment of another shorter-than-he-wanted session. He was wearing down, and he didn't want the doctors to tell him they had to stop._

_ Ed almost dared to hope that maybe the next dream visitor would be his mother; even though he wasn't sure what creating Sloth might have done to his chances of that – or hers. Instead, he got someone else he hadn't seen in nearly as long. "I was kind of hoping you'd be Mom," he admitted when Hohenheim showed up in the chair by the bedside, still in the same old coat. _

_"If I were in your position, I'd feel the same way," Hohenheim chuckled, apparently not insulted. "Certainly she would be lovelier company." _

_Ed wondered briefly if this was going to end up being one of those awkward conversations. After all, the last time he had seen his father Hohenheim had sacrificed himself to open the Gate between Amestris and the other side to send Ed home. "I guess I should apologize," he began, almost just for something to say. "You died to send me home, and I still didn't get there. At least, not because of that, and I wasn't really fair to you, old man." _

_"Have you looked in a mirror lately?" Hohenheim smiled softly. "We look more like brothers now, you and Alphonse and I."_

_"Don't remind me," Ed scoffed. "But I mean it. I'm sorry for how often I was an ass to you. You tried, and I don't think I understood you until, well, until I screwed up myself." If this was like any of the other visits, he shouldn't need to explain the details._

_Hohenheim shrugged. "You're my son. I could wish you had turned out more like Trisha in that respect. Alphonse certainly did. She always had more common sense than I did, and a much more solid grip on reality, even though she enjoyed dreams as much as the next." _

_Ed knew the fondness in that tone. It wasn't unlike that when Al spoke of Elicia or his own voice when he talked about Winry. He understood his father in so many ways now, and this was his chance to tell him. "Winry's like that. Did… did Mom know?" he asked. For some reason, even spending time living with his father in Europe, there were a lot of questions Ed had never felt he could ask. "About you? About why you really left?" _

_"When I was alive I was never certain," Hohenheim admitted with a heavy sigh. "I hoped not, and yet it plagued me to know that if she didn't she had no way of knowing that I hadn't just up and walked out and abandoned her, just the way you accused me of." _

_"And now?" Ed prompted._

_"Now I know that she didn't know," Hohenheim smiled slightly. "Or at least, not all of the truth. She suspected. She saw…but she didn't understand what she saw. But she assumed the best in me, the way she always did in everyone, and hoped that my reasons were good ones and that if I ever could, one day I would come home." _

_"You sound like you've spoken with her about the subject," Ed pointed out, then had a moment of pause when Hohenheim gave him an oddly knowing, amused look. "Wait, _have _you seen Mom?" _

_"That is a question I cannot answer," Hohenheim shrugged, still smiling. "But the answer will come to you in due time, Edward." _

_He wasn't going to get anything else out of him on the subject, infuriating as that might be. Still, Ed knew a losing battle when he saw one, and he didn't want to waste time. It was hard to tell how long he had really been asleep or how long a dream would last. "Do you know anything about these dreams?" he asked, hoping for perhaps a more concrete answer. At the worst he'd get what he knew parroted back at him out of his own mind. It couldn't hurt._

_"I know that you are asleep, and as such you _are _technically dreaming," Hohenheim replied philosophically. "They are dreams on a different level from the kind you normally have, brought on or, perhaps, enhanced by the large amounts of alchemy that your body and mind have been exposed to these last few weeks." _

_"But are you really here, or just a fabrication of my mind?" Ed pressed for more details._

_"Reality is a funny thing," his father chuckled. "Where do we go when we die? What happens to the body? The mind? The soul? The body is cast off, and usually buried in the ground to rot and continue the circle of life; all is one and one is all as they say. The rest," he shrugged casually, leaning back in the chair. "Who can know for certain but the dead." _

_"Which is really a round about way of telling me nothing new," Ed snorted. _

_"That's true," Hohenheim made no attempt to counter his statement. _

_"Fine, let's try this another way." Ed wasn't about to give up until he got some kind of answers here, and this was possibly the only person from whom he might get them! "If I'm dreaming about old friends and family who died, who I felt a bond with, like Bao said, got any explanations for why Hughes showed up first? I mean, the rest of you have been in the order you died…but backwards. He's the only one out of order." _

_"Perhaps because he is the one to whom you were the least close?" Hohenheim suggested without hesitation. "A friend of course, but in a different way from the rest. Your friend Colonel Havoc was a good friend and fellow soldier. You two went through a lot together. Pinako I would think self explanatory, and Izumi – your alchemy teacher – also much so, almost a surrogate mother in a way. She certainly was a better teacher and parent than I ever managed to be. Maes Hughes was probably the least of a shock to have show up first. That, or maybe he drew the short straw," his father joked. "Me well, as much as we didn't really get along, you're my son and I care deeply about you, and even if you hated me, that's still a strong emotional tie in its own way." _

_"I don't hate you," Ed replied softly. "At least, not now. Now I understand why you did it, and I still don't agree with it, but I'm no better." _

_"Sure you are," Hohenheim smiled sadly. "You salvaged the situation, put things back together, and you succeeded. Your family is still together. We all suffer for our mistakes, but as always you didn't let them stop you." _

_Even if it was just his own mind piecing things together, at least the logic was sound. "I feel like I'm in the middle of a Dickens novel," Ed sighed, smirking. "Only it's the unedited original draft or something that got chopped down when the editors said _that's enough!_"_

_Hohenheim laughed, possibly the loudest Ed had ever heard him. "I think I read that one in England," he smiled, eyes twinkling behind his glasses. "Fortunately for you, and perhaps all of us, I seem to recall that one having a happy ending." _

**July 11****th****, 1956  
**

"Well you look like you're in a good mood," Edward commented as Winry came in smiling early in the afternoon not long after he woke up. "What's up?"

"Alphonse called while you were asleep earlier," Winry replied as she sat down on the edge of the bed. "He thought we might like some news from home."

"Well it's about time," Ed smirked. "And you complain about me not getting you messages."

"Well it _is_ a rather expensive long distance call," Winry chuckled. "Really he wanted to see how you were doing more than anything else."

"And what did you tell him?" Ed asked. He teased, but the truth was they had agreed there wouldn't be a lot of communication while he was gone. Ed needed to focus, to avoid unneeded distractions, but good news from home would be welcome at this point! Though the truth was, he didn't want anyone back home to know if he failed.

Winry's face had an understanding expression. "I told him you were being your usual stubborn self and that the treatments were going well according to the doctors. He was glad to hear it on both accounts."

"I'll bet." Ed was glad that was all she had told Al. He didn't need to know that Ed's next treatment would be the most anyone had ever been allowed – or managed to get through – before. He didn't need to know that Ed was slipping up, that he couldn't make it through the full length of a treatment anymore. Ed wanted to be healed completely, but he didn't know how much he had left in him. "So what's the news?"

Winry went into a decent length summary, and Ed relaxed back against his pillows and listened. Alyse was dating some straight-laced First Lieutenant – much to Al's relief after the thing with Cal Fischer a few months back, Elicia and Gracia had taken on completely re-landscaping the back yard this summer and were having a fantastic time spending hours out in the dirt. Elicia was really enjoying her time off and contemplating retiring from Investigations or at least going back to part-time so that she could focus on other hobbies and things that she enjoyed.

In other news, training was going well as usual. There were few show offs in the current class, so there hadn't been a lot of need for demonstrating just how much better a trained alchemist was than an untrained one. Also, Roy was helping out with the alchemical combat sessions at Headquarters.

"Roy?" Ed's eyes popped open as he looked over at Winry, surprised. Not that he minded, but he was definitely jealous! The old dog was in better condition than he was, by far, if they were letting him come in at that level. "Now I really feel out of it. I can be replaced by Mustang."

"You haven't been replaced," Winry frowned, resting one hand on his shoulder. "You know there's always room, and even if he's technically retired, Roy always was an expert in combat alchemy. It makes sense that Al would ask him."

"I know you're right," Ed sighed. "I'm actually glad to hear he's doing well. I just wish I was out there with them."

"Well maybe you will be," Winry smiled encouragingly. "That's the point of this right?"

"Right." Ed reached up and squeezed her hand. "I don't know what I'd do without you around."

"I do," Winry's face saddened briefly. "And I don't ever want to see it happen again."

_Shit._ He hadn't meant that to be a reminder. "I meant I'm grateful you're here," Ed smiled weakly. "Right now I really need a cheerleader."

"As long as I don't have to wear the outfit," Winry teased.

"Well drat, that was the whole point," Ed retorted, and the tense moment fled. "Any other good news?"

"Roy and Riza are grandparents again," Winry easily shifted the topic, clearly as glad for it as he was. "Elena had a little girl two days ago. They've named her Dorothéa. Théa for short."

Ed shook his head. "Maes may give Aldon a run for his money. His son's barely two."

"I'm sure Elena and Cassie would have their say if it ever tried to turn into a competition," Winry shook her head, amused. "Though both seem happy to have large families."

That was true, and they all came from families that were either reasonably sized, or – in Maes and Cassie's cases – they were essentially only children. Cassie's brother had been a soldier before he died when she was still young. "It worked for us," Ed acknowledged.

"Lucky for us you can have all the ideas about that you want," Winry leaned over him, her hair tickling his nose. "Nothing will come of it."

Ed tried to snatch her hair, but he was just too tired, she evaded him easily. "When I have the energy, Winry, you're going to be very happy for that."

Winry chuckled. "I'm counting on it."

**July 13****th****, 1956**

It was only because he had run out of anything else to read in easy reach. At least, that was what Edward told himself. Perhaps it was curiosity though, or a mild sense of desperation, or the fact he had promised his brother and he would feel guilty if he didn't; any way, Ed finally picked up the book Alphonse had so diligently marked and commented on for him.

He had to admit the stories were interesting. He finally understood where Al had gotten the idea for the alchemical _pillar of fire _he and Roy had made on their last trip to Xing. There were stories of plagues and seas being parted and all sorts of events that, while they were attributed to a god in the book, Al's notations made them a little harder to dismiss. _Alchemy? Yet without access to Gate energy. We always knew it wasn't impossible and we didn't know about the Xing way of pulling on nature yet. Still, that much energy. Is their theory of attribution really so bizarre?_

Ed hadn't really considered the problem of using alchemy in Europe in years. Not since they had come home to Amestris and his interest in the other world had been swept away by experiencing life here. The older stories were full of examples of what Ed definitely agreed could be alchemy done in the other world; there were no unexplainable events. The source… well he didn't want to think about that too much, but that was pretty easy to avoid. It was interesting to ponder if nothing else.

Fascinating stories; Ed did find himself wrapped up in several just because they were interesting. At least through the first section. The later chapters were much harder to swallow, though at moments captivating. Al's comments were actually fewer there, but the messages clearer.

The coming of a savior was all well and dramatic storytelling, but denoted by the mother's devotion; _Mom? Winry? _In a quiet moment, the newborn child that was supposedly the hope of the world. _Sara. Aldon. Ethan… _His brother was hitting nerves that he knew always resonated in Ed; his feelings about mothers, and about children. How he felt about his own. Of course Ed remembered intimately his first moments holding each of his kids. Almost as clearly he remembered Elicia's birth, and those of his niece and nephew, holding his grandchildren for the first time. Noting always how special mothers were.

Ed pushed on, hoping for something a little less emotional. Defeating more asinine kings would be a mood lifter. That wasn't what he got though. He found Al's other notes. Next to a story of a man raised from the dead: _Successful, without homunculi and no loss. _Next to an assurance that to be saved the _only_ requirement – of all things – was 'believe on me': _Equivalent exchange._

The end of the story gave him very strange pause as the man gave himself up selflessly, and in return was rewarded. Alphonse's singular comment caught him off guard: _We are brothers._

Ed felt his chest constrict, and for a moment he nearly panicked, but it wasn't his heart, at least not literally. His eyes stung hot and wet, though no tears fell.

"Edward?"

He hadn't heard Winry open the door. Ed looked over and saw her standing there.

Winry crossed the room quickly. "Are you all right?"

"What? Oh yeah," Ed forced a smile to his face and refused to reach up and wipe his eyes. His voice still sounded thick to him though. "I was just reading… something."

Winry's eyes went to the book and then widened briefly in recognition. She crossed the room and sat down on the closest edge of the bed, which put her on Ed's right. "It must have been something to get to you like that."

Ed shrugged and tried his best to seem nonchalant even though he knew he wasn't fooling Winry. "It's interesting." He briefly summarized some of what he'd read in the earlier parts. "It does sound like alchemy even if it is a pretty crazy idea for a source for energy."

"If it's so crazy, would Al have even bothered to have you read it?" Winry asked.

"Probably," Ed smirked, shrugging. "The Al-Notations are pretty interesting."

Winry groaned. "Puns from you? That's terrible."

"It's what they are," Ed protested. Annotations from Al really were unique enough to deserve their own term! He didn't fight it though. "I have to admit," he said finally, "The rest of this… I think I get now why people could find the whole idea appealing. I mean, the whole mother/son thing had me, though the equivalent exchange idea here – belief as an equivalent exchange for forgiving all sins? That's a little hard to swallow."

Winry shrugged, her expression thoughtful. "You told me that even you needed to believe in something, Ed. You never doubt equivalence do you? Or the laws of alchemy?"

She would pull logic and his own statements against him. "Well no." Though he doubted his own ability to use it as he _should_. Ed hated to be cornered in an argument. "I still don't entirely get why Al wanted me to read it though. He knows I've never believed in this kind of stuff." Sure it was interesting to think about, but he didn't think Al had given it to him just to keep his mind busy contemplating the laws of alchemy.

"Says the man who insisted he _stopped_ believing," Winry used his own words against him one more time. "That implies that at one time you did. Maybe it's not _that_ he wants you to believe in." She pointed at the book. "Maybe Al wants you to remember to believe in yourself, Ed. After all, a lot of people still do. I know I do."

"And I wish I understood why they do," Ed admitted. So many people were putting so much effort into helping him fix something that was his fault in the first place. Of course he appreciated it, more than he could ever put into words! He just wished he felt like he deserved it.

Winry kissed him warmly. "Because everyone needs something, or someone, to believe in."

**July 14****th****, 1956**

_Edward didn't dare to expect her, but he hoped through the entire session, pushing himself, holding himself steady. Still he only made it six minutes. As soon as he was unconscious he looked for her. If ever _he _needed to believe something, he would just hope that she was there. After all, who else was left to show up? The answer was, far too many friends of his had died in his lifetime, but none of them had the same connection as the woman he had loved first and longest._

_Trisha Elric looked exactly as she had the day Ed last saw her, or rather, before that; healthy and lovely. Ed was shocked at how young she looked to him now, and how small. Of course, he had grown since then and aged. In truth, she looked more like she belonged in Sara's generation instead of being her grandmother. She had been right about that age when she died._

_That smile. Ed's eyes welled full, tears spilled, and he leaped from the bed into his mother's waiting arms. He had refused to cry as she died; determined to be strong and positive, sure that he and Al could take care of their mother as she had them. But she had slipped away in front of him, her hand going limp in theirs. _

_Now, Ed cried. _

_His mother felt so real, so warm and solid as her arms went around him, and she hummed softly a melody he scarcely remembered. Ed hoped desperately that these dreams, whatever they were, were more than that. "I've missed you so much," he finally whispered. "Oh god, I'm so sorry, Mom." _

_"Sorry for what?" Trisha asked sounding patiently amused, as she so often had when he was a boy. _

_Ed opened his mouth, and was surprised to have no ready answer. "I…I guess I'm not sure," he admitted, sitting up and wiping his face on his arm. "Now I just feel silly." _

_The smile remained on his mother's face. "Don't. There's no need for it."_

_"Of course you'd say that," Ed chuckled. "You're my mother." _

_"You used to listen to me too, sometimes," she replied. "So strong and independent minded. You've been busy." _

_"That might be the understatement of a lifetime," Ed couldn't help smirking. "So much has happened. I wish you could have been there." _

_"I was."_

_Ed glanced up at her sharply. "Come again?" _

_Tricia laughed. "You've never stopped thinking about me, Edward. So I've never left you, and I never will. Not really. You and Al are my boys and I love you both. You of all people should know that death doesn't change that."_

_"I just wish I could be sure," Ed replied. "I did die that once, but Al called my soul back from the Gate. I never did see what was beyond that." _

_"And it will be a long time before you do," Trisha said gently. "But you will one day. For all the mistakes you've made, many people have made just as many, and just as catastrophic, sometimes more so. Your decisions have never been made out of malice, Edward, and you've done so much good. Don't let your mistakes weigh you down so heavily that you forget everything you have given to others." _

_Ed smiled weakly. "I always wondered how it was you could forgive Dad for going off and leaving us. Why you didn't hate him. He… he did come back." He wasn't sure what made him add the last part. _

_"I know," Trisha nodded. "He never forgot about me either." _

_Of course. Ed wasn't sure what to say next, there were so many things he wanted to it was hard to decide where to begin! No matter what, he knew there would never be enough time. "I still wish we'd had more time together," he admitted finally. "How I wish I could have introduced you to the kids, and Elicia and Gracia, and Al's kids…the whole family. It's grown so much." _

_"From the love and determination of two fine men," Trisha reached out, taking his auto-mail hand without hesitation and squeezing it warmly. "You'll probably be mad at me for saying this, Edward, but you really are so much like your father; in the ways I love most about him."_

_After all this time, Ed wasn't mad. He had accepted being like his old man in a few ways over the years, though he had normally found those comparisons in his failings. "I know, Mom," Ed smiled. "And I guess I should be grateful given how much you put up with sometimes." _

_"Oh you were a good boy," Trisha scolded, half teasing. "Mischievous, but not bad. Predictable though."_

_"Oh, how so?" Ed asked with a side-ways smirk. _

_"Despite how hard the two of you fought, I always knew you'd be the one to end up marrying Winry."_

_That left Ed momentarily tongue-tied. "You did?" _

_"You two are a better fit," Trisha nodded. "She always was better at keeping you in line, and that was the first place you headed when you left the house more often than not. Besides," she chuckled. "Her temper's as fiery as yours when it does go. She just never struck me as Alphonse's type."_

_"I think you spent far too much time thinking about this," Ed couldn't help chuckling._

_"I had a lot of time to think," she pointed out. "Don't tell me you didn't think about what the futures of your children would hold?" _

_"Of course I did," Ed concurred. "I guess I just wasn't quite as sure given how much bigger a world they grew up in. Resembool's a lot smaller in a lot of ways, not just size." _

_Trisha nodded, her eyes turning slightly sad. "Edward, I have a question for _you. _Something I couldn't have asked when you were boys. I wanted to know how you felt when I died. You were so young, I didn't want you to worry when I was sick, but now I wonder if it would have been better if I had told you so you and Alphonse would have been prepared. Then, maybe, you wouldn't have tried to bring me back." _

_Did she, did she really think that was _her_ fault? "Well, sure we wished you'd told us," Ed exclaimed, "But we didn't blame you. Heck, at the time I blamed Dad for being gone instead of not there to look after you. We could never have blamed you… you were the most precious thing in our lives; we were a family the way we were." _

_Trisha smiled and the dream seemed to ripple and begin to slip away. "That's right, Edward. We were and we are; all of us. Thank you. Remember that above all else; I love you, and so do the rest of them." _


	5. Chapter 5

**July 15****th****, 1956**

Edward was anxious and eager for the next appointment with Doctor Chan. He had made it through ten treatments just as he swore he would, and the doctor had been very pleased with his progress to this point. Ed was the only one who seemed disappointed by how much shorter the last sessions had been than the first few. Today's appointment was no alchemy session but an assessment of progress and, Ed was sure, expected to be a _final_ determination.

Not if Ed had anything to say about it. At least, not if he wasn't completely healed up. He didn't feel spent yet and he knew that, as tough a road as it had been so far, he could handle more. He had to.

He just expected that his argument would be more convincing if he could get out of bed on his own more easily!

The doctor came to see Ed in his room, which happened most of the time of late. Ed made a point of sitting up with his legs over the side of the bed before the doctor and Mei joined him and Winry. He sat patiently as Lo Chan checked him out traditionally, and then took a moment to verify yesterday's results alchemically.

::So how does it look, Doc?:: Ed asked when Chan was done.

::It is the most success we've ever had with this kind of treatment,:: Chan admitted with a satisfactory nod.

::Which means what exactly?:: He pushed for clarification.

::The scar damage is about eighty-seven percent removed,:: the doctor elaborated.

::So that's only thirteen percent left.:: Just thirteen percent more, he could manage that! ::So how many more sessions do you think it would take to get that last bit?::

Mei scowled. "Do you really believe that to be an option, Edward?"

"What?" Winry looked at him immediately suspicious. "What did you ask him?"

"There's only a little scar damage left," Ed went ahead and explained. "I just want to find out how much more it would take to heal it."

Chan looked irritated, Mei concerned, and Winry annoyed. Great. Ed waited for someone to speak. It was the doctor, once more allowing Mei to translate so that Winry would not be left out of the conversation.

"Right now your body is bordering on exhaustion. It took you five days to be capable of handling even sixty percent of the treatments you began with this last time."

"And you just said this is the best success you've ever had," Ed pointed out. "After all of that, how much more can it take for the rest of it?" He was so close!

"We'd like to keep it the best success," Mei commented crossly. "Don't push yourself too far, Edward. As tired as you are, right now you are healthy and can regain the strength you lost to a very large extent."

"So take it slower," Ed suggested. He had actually given this quite a bit of thought. It wasn't like he had much else to do all day. "Shorter sessions are fine, it just takes longer. They wouldn't be as hard on me either." So he'd be tired for a few more weeks. He could live with that. "I've done everything you've asked of me and it's working! Why not test the limit? Look if it gets close to a critical point I'll stop, I promise, but please let me try and see this through." He might be begging, but for once he was okay with that! He looked over at Winry.

His wife looked pained and yet resigned at the same time. She gave a small nod and looked at Mei. "Is it possible?"

Mei looked as if she had been expecting a little more argument from Winry, likely in favor of the doctors' opinion. "A moment please." She looked at Chan and they retreated to a corner of the room, speaking very softly – and quickly – in Xingese. Ed couldn't follow a word of it.

As they conferred Ed looked up at Winry. "I figured you'd say no," he admitted.

"There are some times when there's something that has to be tried," Winry replied, squeezing his hand tightly and smiling. "And risks need to be taken. I know you, Ed. You've got more in you and I really think you can go further, maybe fix the whole thing. You've always been pretty good at defying even impossible odds, and these don't seem nearly as long."

"You know I love you, right?" Ed smiled up in mild disbelief.

Mei and Lo Chan returned. "Here is the option," Mei said without preamble. "We will agree to continue the treatments as long as you remain in good enough health to do so. The moment that seems in question, the treatments will end. There will be at least three to five days between each, and none will last more than four minutes."

Four minutes? At that short who knew how long it would take? Well, it was better than nothing and it was the chance Ed had wanted. It wasn't a bad offer given it was what he'd asked for. "You've got a deal."

**August 4****th****, 1956**

The next two weeks seemed to be the longest of Edward's life. As much as he had insisted he could handle it, he _was_ exhausted and it didn't get any easier even with the shorter sessions and what turned out to be four days between each one. Four more treatments, though the dreams had stopped coming. Ed wasn't sure why. Maybe no one else felt like haunting his dreams? Or maybe his mind had just dealt with everything even if he didn't entirely understand the purpose of those very strange dreams in the first place.

The day after the fourteenth treatment Ed needed all of Winry's assistance to make it across the room and take a bath. He could barely stand, or sit, without falling over. This, he guessed, was what it would feel like to be truly old and decrepit. "I figured we wouldn't live this scene for another thirty years," he joked weakly as Winry helped him out of the tub after actually helping to bathe him and wash his hair.

Winry smiled at the joke, though she didn't joke back. "I just want us to _have_ another thirty years."

"Well I don't intend to do anything that will definitely get me offed between now and then," Ed teased. He felt so helpless like this, the best he could do was make fun. It was better than griping.

"Well that's good. Or I'd have to get violent," Winry smirked as she helped him on the bed and, while it was embarrassing, Ed had gotten used to her help getting dressed too. "Do you think you can handle it?" she asked softly as she combed out his hair and pulled it back.

_It_ was the last treatment. Mei and Doctor Chan had made it clear that if Ed could last one more four minute session than he should be completely healed. However, that was the last they were going to do… period. Ed didn't argue, he simply rested, ate well, and tried to be prepared. He had at least three days before that. Surely that was enough time. "Yeah," Ed smiled encouragingly. "I do." He_ had _to. He wasn't going to fail now.

**August 7th, 1956 **

After the initial nervousness about staying calm through the treatments had worn off, Edward had been much more at ease with them. The challenge now was not staying calm for the time, but having the energy to continue and remain conscious and steady throughout. Four minutes. That was all he had to manage; four _measly _minutes.

So why did they feel like an eternity? Ed made himself count, second by second, breathing in and out, infinitely aware of every beat of his heart. He focused on it; how much more steady it was, stronger, how easy it beat compared to before. _Keep it there, relax, don't interfere. Don't push. Just feel the beat; _the throbbing pulse of life, and focus on its strength.

He could feel his consciousness wavering and struggled valiantly to hold on. He had to! He couldn't pass out now.

The feel of alchemical energy stopped sharply and Ed opened his eyes, looking up. "I'm not done!" he gasped even as the world seemed to swim in front of him.

Doctor Chan smirked slightly as Ed felt consciousness eluding him. ::However, I am. This is finished.::

**August 8****th****, 1956**

Finished? What did he mean it was finished? Was that an acknowledgement of success or merely a statement that it was as far as Chan was willing to go as far as risk went? Edward desperately wanted to ask, but the thoughts slipped away as he slept, coming and going from time to time, interspersed with what could only be called normal dreams.

Ed had no idea how long he was out before he regained consciousness, but when he did daylight was still streaming through the doors to the gardens, which were wide open carrying in the scent of summer garden flowers and sun-warmed grass. Ed lay there for a time, eyes closed; listening to a breeze rustling the trees, the gentle melody of wooden wind chimes being stirred and birds twittering.

It was the invasion of a familiar scent – alluring yet entirely out of place interposed over the Xingese – that finally encouraged Ed to open his eyes. It smelled like… stew?

"I thought that might get you," Winry giggled, appearing over him. "I hijacked part of the kitchen for a few hours. How do you feel?"

Ed didn't offer up an immediate reply. How _did_ he feel? Exhausted certainly, but then that had become normal. He wasn't sure he would recognize _rested_ right now. He was comfortable, at peace. He felt no real aches or pains despite being tired.

His heart! Man was he stupid. She wasn't talking about his general well being. Okay, with Winry she might be, but still!

Ed turned his mental focus inward, listening for the familiar thumping, feeling it, and briefly relishing the ease and solid surety of movement. "I feel good," he finally smiled up at her. "Chan said he was finished. Did he mean it's done?" He desperately hoped that was what the man had meant.

Winry's smile was all the answer he really needed. "That's what he said. You did it, Ed."

Of all the battles Ed had fought in his life, he thought this had to be the sweetest victory he had ever tasted. He smiled up at Winry. "I can't wait to tell everybody _I told you so._"

Winry rolled her eyes, but laughed anyway. "Well you can start with him." She surprised Ed by shoving the phone receiver into his hand.

"Who is it?" Ed asked, startled. He hadn't talked to anyone in weeks that would require a phone call.

Winry shook her head. "Who do you think?"

"Hello?" Ed felt stupid as he held the receiver up to his ear and heard a welcome and familiar voice on the other end.

"Hello, Brother," Al sounded just as glad to hear him. "I was telling Winry if she didn't put you on sometime soon I was going to begin to think maybe I'd been imagining you."

"Oh come on, Al," Ed chuckled softly. "Even you aren't that imaginative."

"You're right. A guy would have to be insane to come up with someone like you," Al agreed. "Seriously, it's good to hear from you, Ed. I've been really worried."

"You weren't the only one," Ed admitted. "But it's done, Al."

"Winry told me," Al confirmed, though Ed could tell his brother was smiling on the other end. "Though I hear they couldn't do anything to replace your personality."

"Gee, thanks," Ed tried to be irritated, but he just couldn't. Not right now. His world was fine. _He_ was finally being set right for the first time in a long time. The world was his again, and he was ready to take it on!

"Hey, you know I have to kid you while you're still stuck in bed and can't kick my ass," Al replied cheekily. "Cause I expect you to do just that when you get home."

"Oh I will," Ed chuckled. "That's a promise!"

**August 13****th****, 1956**

Despite his good spirits, Edward was still too exhausted to really act on them for a few days. That didn't stop him from trying. Chan came in and gave him a thorough work up again once he had rested for another day, and declared him healthy. ::I even made a little stop by your liver when we finished with your heart,:: he commented smugly.

Ed really wasn't sure he wanted to know how much damage he had done _there_ with old stupidity, but he'd thanked the doctor humbly.

Will came to visit him and they'd play chess, or poker, and chat for a couple of hours at a time. Sometimes Ren would join them as well, especially as soon as Ed made it very clear he was tired of being _left alone!_

Ed wasn't sure whether to be relieved or a little unnerved by how good of friends Winry and Mei seemed to have become during his invalidity. Now that he was officially out of danger Winry spent more time with him awake, but also a lot of time doing things with Mei. Ed was glad there was no animosity between them and that Winry had someone to talk to, but he wasn't sure he wanted to know what they discussed about _him._

Six days after his last alchemical treatment, Ed got out of bed unaided for the first time in quite a while. It was a nice morning. It seemed that most mornings in Xing were nice in the summer. It was cooler than Central – and most of Amestris – given the mountains, but not cold. It was a partly cloudy morning with thunder rumbling above assuring the people that rain was coming.

Ed stretched, finding odd pleasure in the sound and feel of vertebrae popping all down his back. It definitely felt good! He was sure he probably had the energy to go for a walk. After breakfast maybe. His stomach growled, but the need to use the restroom was a little more pressing.

The clock on the wall said it was nearly nine o'clock, so Ed wasn't surprised that Winry was up and probably down the hall chatting with Mei or Jiu. He crossed the room, entered the bathroom, and happened to pause and glance into the mirror for the first time in a long time.

Apparently Winry heard the horrified scream, because she appeared in the bathroom doorway only seconds later, eyes wide. "Edward! What's wrong?"

"Winry, where's my razor?" Ed shouted as he frantically searched through the drawers in the bathroom cabinet.

He could see puzzlement cross her face in the reflection from the mirror. "What's wrong?"

"Why didn't you tell me!" he exclaimed.

"Tell you what?" She asked, starting to get irritated.

"That I look like my Dad!" Ed pointed at his own reflection. It hadn't really occurred to him until that moment how long it had been since he'd shaved!

Winry's reaction was not what he had been hoping for. She started giggling. "It's not that bad."

"No, it's worse," Ed grumbled, glaring at his own reflection. In nothing but shorts it was painfully obvious to him just how out of condition weeks in bed, and months of relative inactivity had put him. "Do I even want to see a scale?"

Winry rolled her eyes. "Probably not. You're freaked out enough already. Relax, Edward. You look fine." She wrapped her arms around him from behind. "Besides, I know you. As soon as you get back to your usual routine you'll be underfed again in no time."

"Very funny." Ed grumbled, but stopped his frantic searching as she effectively held him in place with her warm embrace. "No wonder I feel so heavy." He was whining, badly, and he really didn't care.

"So much for women being vainer then men," Winry laughed, resting her chin on his shoulder. "You're over-reacting, Edward. You've put yourself through a lot lately, and Mei warned you that you'd be hungry."

Ed was definitely regretting that fact. Okay, so it wasn't a_ lot _of extra weight, but the lack of muscle tone was pretty damned embarrassing! Suddenly he had a thought. "You didn't tell me on purpose didn't you?"

"Maybe…" Winry's expression turned mildly guilty. "There was no reason for you to be worrying about it when you were supposed to stay relaxed. Besides, what were you going to do…eat less? Work out more when you could barely walk?"

"Well, no," Ed admitted with a short laugh. He turned around as she loosened her grip and looked into Winry's eyes. "I haven't shaved in weeks and I haven't worked out in months… and you still love me like this?"

Winry wrapped her arms around his neck instead, smiling. "Of course I do. You didn't think I married you because you were good looking did you?"

"Thanks…I think."

Winry laughed. "Besides, there are some things about you that will never change. Those eyes, and this," she kissed him warmly, and Ed decided it was better to enjoy himself than try and get in any kind of retort! She was still smiling when they parted. "Just think about it this way; you're healthy again. Now you get to have the pleasure of working it off however you want."

"_However_ I want?" Ed asked, letting the suggestion be clear in the words.

Winry licked her lips slightly as she smiled. "Anything you think you can handle."

Breakfast could definitely wait. "Winry, I can always handle you."

* * *

Life was good again. Or at least, Ed couldn't imagine there was much to complain about, at least for the moment. Winry was as good as her word, and it was a couple of hours before Ed made it _back_ to the bathroom for a bath and a shave and a trim at the rather soothing and experienced hands of his wife, who insisted that after so long it would be a shame for him to cut himself with unsteady hands.

"Since when are my hands ever unsteady?" Ed smirked as he admired her work afterwards. Freshly shaved, his hair finally long enough that it was brushed and plaited back the way he _liked_ it, and in jeans and a loose t-shirt, he looked a good bit more presentable.

"Well you know, earlier…" Winry just let the teasing comment hang as she put away the cleaned razor.

"Do you need a second demonstration?" Ed laughed. Damn it felt good to be able to say that and mean it!

"Later, lover boy," Winry kissed his cheek. "Mmm, I knew you could be smooth."

Ed caught her up in his arms. "I'd like to think you mean more than my skin."

"Didn't take you long to feel better," Winry giggled, but Ed could tell she was pleased. Her happiness had been evident earlier too.

"I'd forgotten just how good it feels to have my heart pounding in my chest the way it ought to," Ed replied.

"Well don't push too fast," Winry warned gently. "You're still coming off a pretty long lay-off."

"Yes dear," Ed chuckled. He didn't mind the scolding, and he certainly wasn't going to push himself too hard. But he knew how to judge himself when he didn't have to worry about critical organ failure, and he was dying to get in a real workout! A few more days, Chan said. For now, walks, light exercises… time with his wife. Ed couldn't see any reason to complain.


	6. Chapter 6

**August 18****th****, 1956**

Edward wasn't sure what Mei had planned for today, but when she had requested that he keep the afternoon free, he had put in his workout in the morning and made sure he was available. "Do you know what this is about?" he asked Winry as they met Mei at one of the back entrances to the palace that only the Imperial family normally used.

"Not specifically," Winry shook her head, her expression thoughtful. "Mei said I could come if I wanted to, but she wouldn't tell me what it was. She was very serious about it."

Mei serious; which probably meant it was related to medicine or alchemy. Ed supposed he would just have to wait and see. He had left Pir with Jiu and the kids as a way to keep the pup entertained and the kids, also at Mei's suggestion. So obviously this was a _no dogs _excursion.

Mei was waiting for them by the car, looking subdued but resolute. "Edward," she nodded. "There is something I wish to show you. You are not going to like it, but I feel it is something I should have shown you before you left after your last visit."

Ed was pretty sure that meant Mei had a lesson in mind. He nodded. "All right. Do I get to know what it is?"

Mei's serious expression was still making him a little nervous. She motioned from them to get in the car. Ed shrugged and he and Winry got in before Mei explained. "We have an area in the Imperial hospital dedicated to the care of patients suffering from prolonged improper use of_ kashu._"

With a sinking feeling Ed _knew_ he wasn't going to enjoy this. "No offense, Mei, but don't you think I've kind of got the point?"

"I want you to understand how lucky you are," Mei replied pointedly.

"Lucky?" Okay, her logic was defying him today.

"If you had not overdosed, Edward," Mei looked him firmly in the eyes, "Would you have stopped with one dose? Or would you have continued to use _kashu_ to help you sleep, to induce restful dreaming for as long as you were feeling stressed and unhappy?"

"I would have kept using it," Ed admitted reluctantly, avoiding looking at Winry. "If I thought it was doing no harm and I was doing it properly."

"The body quickly builds a tolerance for_ kashu_," Mei continued as the car drove towards the hospital. "This is why we use it in such small doses, and only in surgery or very brief use for cases of severe trauma or depression. Some people build tolerance faster than others, but anyone using it for any period of time will find that it takes more to reach the desired effect. Even someone using it appropriately at first will find themselves needing more to meet their craving for it." There was, Ed noticed, no question about _if_ a craving developed, or if he had ever felt that way.

It certainly explained the craving that had haunted him after his one dose. Ed nodded. "It's hard." That was enough of an admission in his mind.

Winry looked distinctly uncomfortable given the discussion and Ed felt bad that they were having it at all, but this – he realized – Mei was counting as part of his agreeing to _behave and follow doctors' orders_ as part of his treatment and recovery.

"Yet you did stop after you realized your mistake," Mei continued. "You are lucky because you learned your lesson quickly. There are worse things than death."

Ed didn't want to argue that particular point, so he simply decided to wait and see what Mei would show him. Not that he was looking forward to being shown a bunch of addicts who all likely were in pretty rough shape.

It did not take them long to reach the hospital. "Are you sure you want to see this?" Ed asked Winry as they went inside with Mei, who was ushered on past with immediate clearance.

"I think I need to see this," Winry replied, though her lips were tight and she looked a little pale. "There are still things I need to understand."

"So how many patients are in this ward right now?" Ed asked, changing the subject as they walked down the hallway. Conversation seemed the best way to ease his growing discomfort.

"Three," Mei said.

"Only three?" Winry asked with the surprise Ed felt.

Mei's response made him wish she hadn't asked. "Most _kashu_ addicts come to us dying or already dead, Winry. It is rare that they reach a state where they need medical care and are still alive to receive it."

Ed swallowed.

There were three rooms down the ward that Mei stopped outside. Each had a hospital door with a window in it. In turn, Mei gestured for Ed to look inside. He hesitated only a moment then made himself look through the window.

The man in the first room lay on the bed in his hospital gown, twitching violently and whimpering every few seconds. Ed cringed in sympathy, remembering far too well lying for hours on the lab floor, wishing unconsciousness would claim him. "How long has he been like that?" he asked softly.

"Two months," Mei replied with cool matter-of-factness.

"Will it stop?"

"Eventually, but that isn't necessarily an improvement," Mei sighed.

Ed discovered the rooms were mostly sound proof when he looked into the second. A woman was inside, pounding at a padded wall, howling profanities insanely, tears streaming down her cheeks.

"She's only been here two weeks so far," Mei said without Ed asking.

Ed moved on quickly.

The man in the last room sat in a chair with a book on his lap. At first glance, Ed thought he looked completely normal, but the longer he watched, the longer he realized the man wasn't reading, just staring off blankly into space, unseeing, drool leaking from the corner of his mouth. "I'm not sure I want to know," Ed whispered.

"He's been here for two years," Mei shook her head sadly. "He was like the first one when he came, but when his system was clean, there was nothing left of his mind that was not stuck in the dream. He simply refuses to come out; his mind is broken. When he speaks, which is rarely, he still thinks he is in the dream. He does not respond to outside stimulus save for automatic reflexes, like chewing."

"I…I've seen though." Ed turned away from the window before his stomach did more than just threaten to disown him. He felt ill just looking at them, knowing what he could have turned into. He walked back down the hall, not stopping until he reached an empty sitting area.

Something landed on his shoulder and Ed jumped and turned before he realized it was Winry's hand. Big sorrowful blue eyes met his, and his tensed muscles unbunched, if only slightly. He didn't have to ask what she was thinking; he could see the horror behind those eyes.

Ed brought his hand up to hers, squeezing it tightly. "Talk about a close call."

Winry stepped in, hugging him. Ed returned it fiercely, clinging to her as hard as he clung to life itself. "Mei's right. Thank goodness it was just once," she whispered in his ear. "I can't imagine what could make someone do that to themselves."

"I can." It was painful to admit, but then the truth was like that sometimes. Ed almost choked on those two little words.

Winry looked at him. "What dream could possibly be enough to make that kind of risk worth it?"  
Ed had never told Winry what he'd seen in his _kashu_ dream. Embarrassment had kept him from it but now… now she really ought to know. "You," he admitted softly, her hair tangling in his fingers as he stroked her cheek. "It's dreams of what the dreamer wants most, like heaven, if there was one." He shook his head. "But it's no more heaven than the Gate was _the truth." _

"You dreamed about me?" Winry asked quietly.

Ed felt his cheeks flush as he nodded. "Well, yeah. Actually it was you and me doing a lot of things that would probably get me killed if I suggested them even now."

Winry's cheeks went just as red as his felt, and she looked flustered. "I see. That's what you wanted most?"

"Not really," Ed admitted, shrugging. "I can't say I didn't enjoy it. I'd be lying. It was pretty damned erotic, but what got me wasn't that. We… we were home." He could Winry was lost from the look on her face. "In Resembool in… in my Mom's house."

Realization dawned and her eyes widened further. "Wow."

"Tell me about it," Ed chuckled. "We were up in my room on this rainy Saturday and Mom and Al were out at the market. We were sixteen and… normal."

"Obviously," Winry smirked, though she wasn't particularly amused; maybe a little awed or uneasy, "if we were doing what you just suggested with the possibility of your _mother_ catching us." It did sound like a rather typical teenage activity.

"Most guys' nightmares, my wildest fantasy." The irony was not lost on Ed. "It got worse."

"Worse? Do I want to know?"

"Not like that," Ed shook his head. "It was just… so real. Mom was alive, Al was human, I was whole, and I had you. We all had dinner together and it just felt so much like family." Shit, he was going to start crying right here. Ed pushed on. "If I hadn't gotten ripped awake when the stuff wore off…"

It didn't matter if Ed cried or not, tears were streaming down Winry's cheeks. "If you hadn't woken up you'd be dead," she pointed out. It wouldn't have mattered what happened next in the dream… it would have been the last thing Ed ever knew. "I… I can see why it would be an alluring dream."

"But still just a dream," Ed sighed. "I knew that going into it, Winry, that it was nothing but a temporary fix. Nothing could ever be as good as what I thought I'd lost. I'd…" he choked on the next words. "I told everyone I didn't do it on purpose and I _didn't_. At least, I didn't think I did, but I can't honestly say there wasn't some part of me that wouldn't have just been relieved to have an end to the pain."

There. It was out. Years of doubt and guilt exposed and shared.

Winry clutched him tightly again. "I'm glad you're still here," she whispered through the tears.

Ed couldn't help smiling as he held her close. "Yeah, me too."

**August 19****th****-September 5****th****, 1956**

Allowed to train at his own pace, Edward took full advantage of that fact. He took walks, but as soon as he could run he did. With the extensive palace grounds it wasn't hard to manage, and with a proper regimen he was doing five miles a day within a couple of weeks. His times were far from his fastest, but building strength and stamina was what he was going for and he wasn't worried about it.

Ed's new focus was on retraining up his body after not just his recent inactivity, but three very agonizing years of forced caution. Fortunately, his muscles remembered, and it wasn't a matter of relearning, just conditioning. Pir seemed to like the runs, keeping up easily, though he barked at Ed and tried to get in the way the first few times Ed attempted a calisthenics style workout. Until finally Ed decided to try using his puppy as a sparring partner.

That worked surprisingly well. Other than the fact that playing with Pir and a ball or stick was good exercise if Ed was moving too, the pup naturally liked to dodge and play and wrestle, and he was smart enough that he actually seemed to be thinking through moves… every once in a while anyway.

As Winry had predicted, while Ed's appetite certainly didn't decrease with the added activity level, he started shedding weight immediately and regaining muscle tone. Ed didn't make a big deal out of it, but it was definitely a relief!

After a couple of weeks of general conditioning, Ed wasn't too surprised when Mei suggested that he move from practicing forms to actively sparring with Will, and also herself for a_ real challenge._ Ed had been happy to accept the offer of both partners. Fighting Will was similar to fighting Alphonse, though not quite the challenge. His nephew was no slouch, but he just didn't spar as often as Al did working at HQ. Still, the style was the same.

Fighting Mei was a whole different set of challenges but also rewarding. It required Ed to push himself harder, to use more physically difficult maneuvers, and she was good enough – just as he did when training his own students – to know how to manipulate the fight and pick her moves to get particular types of reactions out of him. He got _worked_ during those sessions and he loved every moment of it!

It only took Ed a few minutes the first day to get used to Winry watching him. She had rarely ever shown interest in watching his sparring sessions over the years, aside from the brief period a couple of years ago when Ed had still been able to teach her a little. Now she was there for every one of them. She would usually sit over to the side on the porch steps, silently out of the way, but she always watched. Usually Pir would sit beside her, watching intently or chewing on a toy.

Today was the toughest fight Mei had given Ed yet. Not that she hadn't beaten him soundly several times in the past week, but she was definitely pushing him further today and Ed was glad for the challenge. He had a good sweat going as he dodged Mei's well placed kick before coming up to block the three-blow combination her quick hands attempted to deliver next. He countered them all, dropping low to try and take her feet out from under her, and nearly found himself scissored. With a twist and a flip back to his feet he avoided the move, if only just!

Out of the corner of his eye, Ed saw Winry laughing. So she thought that was funny huh? He smirked and redoubled his efforts. It took everything he had to keep up with Mei right now, and he knew she was holding back, but not by much. He got a little distance to go for a good leg shot, and then movement out of the corner of his eye was his only clue to dodge as a wall of _water_ rose up out of one of the ponds!

_What the hell?_ Ed rolled and came up, the water above his face frozen into a wall of ice, cold against his hands, before he even registered the completion of a circle. He barely ducked in time before Mei's foot almost smacked him in the head.

Ed spun away, dropped, and went for a sweep, unsurprised when Mei jumped it, and his hand went up as he did so, snatching neatly at one of her ankles. At that point it took very little to bring her to the ground, pin, and release. "What the hell were you doing?" he shouted, surprised at his own anger as he backed up afterwards. "This wasn't supposed to be alchemy combat!"

"We never made any such specification," Mei replied calmly as she got to her feet and dusted herself off.

"I'd have thought that was pretty obvious!" Ed replied. She _knew_ he didn't do alchemy anymore!

"Then why did you use alchemy in response?" Mei's even gaze was unruffled. "Just because I choose to use alchemy does not automatically require you to counter in a like manner. Yet you did."

"Yeah well I…" Ed fumbled with the words. No, he didn't have to, but he hadn't even thought about it, he had just acted. "I don't want to hurt anybody," he sighed after a minute.

"And you didn't," Mei continued to neatly poke holes in his arguments. "Your response was creative and an appropriate use of force; hardly overkill. No one has been hurt, and nothing has been destroyed. Your instincts seem fine to me."

"But there's no way you could have known ahead of time," Ed countered, still feeling shaken. He'd been tricked, but it had been far easier than he had expected it to be.

Mei smiled then. "I trust you. Your judgment may lapse sometimes, but everyone has that fault. You are an experienced alchemist and a good person by nature. I do not fear you and you need to stop fearing yourself." She stepped in and Ed froze as she pushed up his left shirt sleeve and tapped his arm. "Even _after_ what you did, you marked yourself this way on purpose. Consider it, Edward, and remember why."

Ed hated it when a good pissed-off mood fizzled. Mei was right, and it was impossible to argue with her smug little smile. He sighed. "I did, didn't I?" He had explained the tattoo after Mei noticed it during one of his first medical examinations. Winry had likely said more about it than he had. Both women had pointed out to him lately just how many times he had apparently not been listening to himself. He _was_ an alchemist. Performing transmutations or not, he had more knowledge crammed in his head now on a variety of alchemical topics than some alchemists would ever have. It was his responsibility to share that information, but also to use it. He was no better than his students at wanting to hide from his failures, to fear trying again because he didn't want to fail again. Only there was rarely anyone to call _him_ to task for it.

"Using alchemy is no danger to you," Mei continued. "With no reason to fear the exertion being too much for you, refusing to use a tool you have available in a completely appropriate manner is illogical and irresponsible. But you know this," she chuckled. "You are a teacher. You simply need to employ your own teachings once more."

Ed hadn't been a very good teacher to Ethan the last couple of years. What kind of an example had he really set? He'd just quit out of fear and doubt. Just like his problem with alcohol, it wasn't the substance at fault – it wasn't the alchemy at fault – it was himself. If he could behave this absolutely for three years, than surely his own will and self-control were working. "You're really good at making a guy feel dumb, you know that?" he asked, half joking.

"It takes practice," Mei smiled simply.

Ed's eyes went to Winry, who was still watching them patiently. There _was_ one transmutation that had tempted him several times in the past few years. He closed his eyes, brought his hands together, and crouched, touching them to the earth. He let the transmutation happen a little slower than he was capable of. He felt it, shaped it perfectly, and made himself consider the alchemical energy under _his_ control. In a few seconds he approached Winry. "I've wanted to give you these for a while," he admitted as he held out a wreath of flowers. They weren't Xingese blossoms; but the same blood-tipped white myrtle blossoms that had grown in his mother's garden; that graced the tattoo on his arm.

Winry's eyes glistened with emotion and for a moment Ed wasn't sure whether she was going to smile or cry. He was good with the alternative; she kissed him! Ed set the wreath on her head with one hand as he kissed her back. _This_ was a smart use of alchemy!

**September 10****th****, 1956**

It seemed that in Xing, the patient wasn't healed when the physical problem was gone. Or so Edward had found was the case when his hosts were also alchemists as well as doctors. After Mei's deliberate exposure of Ed to the_ kashu _addicts in the hospital, there had been her rather pointed proof that Ed was perfectly capable of using alchemy as well as he had ever been, which had been a good break in his mental block.

Now, Ed found himself sitting in the middle of Old Bao's favorite garden spot, cross-legged in front of the ancient man, wondering why Mei's grandfather had specifically requested this audience. He was highly suspicious that this was going to be another lesson designed to help with his mental processes and emotional issues to keep things like this from happening again.

So he waited for Bao to begin, sitting patiently and knowing that it would not begin until Bao decide he was ready.

The old man finally nodded, smiling calmly. ::Your problem, Edward, is that you are strong willed.::

As usual, a start Ed hadn't expected. ::How is that a problem?::

::Despite your ability to apply logic to most situations, where you are afraid you tend to revert back to absolutes. This is why you fear failure when you have been nothing but successful,:: Bao said. ::You think in terms of '_must not_' and '_cannot_' not '_do I want to_?' Your history leads me to see that when you do not want to do something, or are not worried about it, you have no problem remaining in control, or _regaining_ control. Your problem is entirely up here,:: He tapped his forehead with one gnarled finger. ::When you fear, your will becomes rigid and absolute. The solution is to keep yourself in a healthy state of mind, to avoid the thoughts and problems that lead you to the _choice_ you made that caused the problem.::

That was logical, though it took Edward a moment to follow. He had always been his own worst enemy; and that was part of why he sometimes had trouble trusting himself now. He just needed to keep in a good frame of mind so he _could_ trust himself. ::All right.:: He was sure Bao had plenty more to say.

He was right. ::You need to move past the irrational, to the point where you once again have made it a choice that you are _happy_ with, not one made out of uncertainty or fear.::

Ed felt foolish. Hadn't he given similar advice to Ethan?

Bao pulled out a small cup and a bottle that Ed knew traditionally contained rice wine. He felt his spine stiffen as he watched the man pour a very small measure into it, then set the cup between them on a flat rock. So _this_ was what the man wished him to face today.

Bao set the bottle down to the side. ::I noticed during your last visit that you are not a particular fan of our rice wine.::

::Bad memories,:: Ed offered an uneasy smile. ::But no, I've never really been fond of the taste.:: Which was a little odd, given his usual preference for sweeter drinks, at least when he had drunk for taste. His captivity had spoiled it for him.

::Good,:: Bao nodded, looking at him levelly. ::Drink it.::

Ed froze. ::What? You can't be serious!:: he exclaimed, staring at the old man. ::I promised Winry.::

::I am aware of this,:: Bao nodded. ::I asked your wife's permission before proceeding with this part of your treatment.::

Ed paused. ::Treatment?::

::You came to Xing for healing, did you not?:: Bao smiled. ::The physical damage to your heart has been repaired. Your strength is returned to you and you are able to practice the skills you have without fear of doing yourself further irreparable injury. You also no longer hesitate to use alchemy. This is healing as well, of the spirit and the mind. In this, you regain confidence in your abilities and judgment. Only then in the possibility of relapse or failure, in preventing this or something worse from happening, does healing remain.::

Ed understood what Bao was doing. It wasn't unlike the tricks they had used from time to time at Central to help students in the alchemy program overcome phobias or other fears; their hesitation to fight when necessary. ::So giving an alcoholic a drink is an approved medical method for dealing with the problem?:: he teased, only mildly sarcastic.

::No,:: Bao smirked back. ::It is an old man's understanding of where your problem really lies, and a careful application of _human_ alchemy.::

::And if I don't drink it?:: Ed eyed the rice wine between them.

Bao shrugged. ::After this you may choose not to drink because of your promise, and you may choose because you do not want to. But do not think that it is because you _cannot_, Edward. History also proves that you are more easily tempted and tormented by the forbidden.:: Bao had certainly done his homework on this one. ::For the purposes of your promise to do as ordered until your treatment is complete, however, you will drink. It is not even a full measure, only a small swallow.::

::You really asked Winry about this?:: Ed could hardly imagine his wife saying yes, but then sometimes Winry did things he didn't expect. Since nothing else had worked, perhaps she trusted Bao and Mei's judgment in this.

::I would not have dared otherwise,:: Bao smiled. ::I value my life.::

""There's that.:: Ed looked down for several long seconds then forced himself to reach down and pick up the small cup. There really was only a very small amount in the bottom, not enough to get drunk. Not even enough to really do much of anything but get the flavor. The scent wafted up, familiar and mildly unpleasant. Ed felt stupid. Surely he had _this_ much control. Making his decision he upended the cup and downed the small splash of liquid before he could change his mind.

It went down quickly and Ed grimaced at the taste on his tongue. When it hit his stomach he was surprised to feel anything at all by way of reaction, though there was a slight warming sensation. Of course, it _had_ been three years since he had a drink. It would make sense that he would be more sensitive to the effects. He waited, but that was it. ::So now what?:: he finally asked Bao, who was simply sitting across from him patiently.

::Would you like more?:: Bao asked, though he made no move to pour anything.

::No thanks,:: Ed tried not to stick his tongue out in disgust. He _could _be mildly respectful!

Bao nodded, as if that was the answer he was looking for. ::Why not?::

::I don't want any.:: Ed offered as an explanation.

::Exactly.:: Bao's smile widened. ::You don't want any. _Why not_?::

::Cause it's just as unappealing as I remember?:: Ed snorted.

::And what does that reaction tell you?::

Ed paused, mouth open for another wry retort. What _did_ that tell him? He hadn't expected to like it. On top of that, he didn't feel any kind of urge to _have_ more. After the _kashu,_ the craving had been almost overwhelming. Yet even when he was going through withdrawal years ago he hadn't really _wanted_ another drink. Hell, he'd only used it as a tool, a crutch, in the first place when he'd abused it. When he didn't _want _a drink, he didn't drink. When he _wanted_ a drink, badly, was usually when he had a problem. Otherwise, he'd just have one or two and call it good. It had always been that simple before.

So maybe it really was all in his head. He felt okay and he didn't feel like he was about to leap off the deep end. He would have preferred a drink he actually enjoyed the taste of, but he supposed it didn't really matter for the purposes of this demonstration. Bao wasn't trying to tell him he should start drinking again; he was just showing him that the fear that had gripped him was unnecessary. ::It tells me I should listen to my own advice,:: he chuckled, relaxing. ::I told Ethan I did this to myself, that it wasn't the liquor; it was a symptom of a larger problem. I was right, but I'm not sure I was listening.::

::You seem to be doing so now,:: Bao replied with his usual patience. He was obviously pleased however. ::You should always be cautious, knowing your propensities, and question your motive before making a decision. But if you find no fault, no pressure, an occasional allowance is not going to break your resolve.:: That was almost exactly how Roy handled it. ::Or, if it's just the taste you prefer,:: he chuckled, ::I believe you already know a trick for neutralizing the alcohol in a beverage.::

::I do,:: Ed nodded. And now that he was using alchemy again, he felt no compunction against performing that transmutation. ::I feel silly,:: he admitted. Somewhere in here his reasoning and logic power had taken a rather long vacation at a very bad time.

::Fear is a powerful emotion,:: Bao replied. ::It can make anything seem insurmountable.::

::Yeah, but I've faced an awful lot of things that I should have been afraid of if I'd been smart, and it never occurred to me to fear them,:: Ed sighed. ::This is something so small in comparison, and it's not even actively adversarial. It's been in my head this entire time. I don't need it. Most of the time I don't even want it; so I don't drink it. It never used to bother me. I never used to doubt. So I guess the only question now is what I _want_ isn't it?:: There was no reason he could not have complete control. He already_ did, _as long as he was in a good frame of mind and listening; when he wasn't in denial or severely depressed. He could pull himself out of those mindsets when he _chose _too. He was doing so now and successfully handled himself for a while.

::What _do_ you want?:: Bao asked.

Ed didn't have to think about it for long. There were plenty of things he wanted. ::I don't ever want to hurt Winry or the kids again. I want to do all the things I used to be able to. I want to _live_.:: He looked down at the empty rice wine cup and smirked wryly. ::And I wouldn't mind a beer on my birthday… if I feel like it.::

Bao laughed the loudest Ed had ever heard him, and Ed couldn't help joining in. It felt good to laugh, to just let loose and relax. The worst of the fear was gone and while he knew it wasn't entirely that easy, it was a start!

**September 15****th****, 1956**

Once Mei approved, Ed moved on beyond sparring with just her and Will and started doing some training down with the Xingese soldiers. He had enjoyed fighting with them before and it was a great opportunity to work on some of the techniques he was _not_ an expert in. There were forms and moves designed almost entirely for defense that he had never really learned, given his more aggressive style that was mostly _attack or evade._ Ed learned new forms, new positions, mostly subtly different from stances he already knew at this point, but it was amazing the differences they could make in the way a fight moved! He also spent a lot of time doing weapons combat, something he rarely practiced outside of his usual spear or arm-blade.

Aside from fighting though, there was something else Ed wanted to learn; a new question for Mei that he asked when he caught her in the library one morning. "I was wondering if you knew how to _negate_ someone's use of alchemy," he asked, trying to explain what he wanted. "Is it possible to render someone else incapable of performing a transmutation without doing permanent harm? And is there a way to do it without having to be there constantly performing a transmutation yourself?"

"You never ask the easy questions, Edward," Mei chuckled, but she did not seem disturbed by his question. Given his history, perhaps she found the question reassuring. "Yes, it is possible to disrupt the use of alchemy by a person, usually within a specified area. If you wish to do it while you do not have to remain in the area, it is merely a matter of making sure no one can remove the circle you draw."

"Okay, so how does it work?" Ed asked.

"Why do you want to know?" Mei countered then.

"Because it would be useful," Ed replied without hesitation, "as a defense strategy in combat, or in a situation like the one we had years ago when one of my students killed himself and half-destroyed a laboratory messing with alchemy he did not yet understand. The ability to stop that transmutation – or make it impossible – would be an amazing benefit."

"There are ways to negate only particular types of transmutations," Mei nodded, "Though those are much more complicated than simply negating the use of alchemy near the circle all together. It works by reversing the energy within the circle," She sat down at one of the tables, pulled out parchment and pen, and began to sketch quickly, "And by designing the circle to counter-act the use of alchemy. You cannot remove the _energy_ from a place, or from an alchemist, but you can render their transmutation ineffective."

Ed watched intently as Mei drew and explained the various elements of a transmutation circle designed simply to _defuse _any transmutation attempted within the vicinity. It was a short-range solution, but Ed could definitely see the usefulness of the applications. "And it won't make the transmutation recoil on the alchemist or harm them?" Ed wanted to be very sure of how safe the method was.

"Nothing of the sort," Mei nodded. "It simply dissipates the energy instead of allowing the transmutation to take place. To be effective of course, the circle must remain intact, so it should be drawn in a place where it will not be easily located or destroyed, or made of a material that will make it hard to break the circle."

It really wasn't too difficult a concept but, like so many things in Xing alchemy, it ran counter-intuitive to a lot of how Amestrian alchemists were taught to think. No wonder they had difficulty with these concepts when they tried them using their own style of alchemy. It just didn't work that way!

"So how do you make it work without constantly running energy through the transmutation circle itself?" Especially since, if it was working, _that_ transmutation would be rendered ineffective?

Mei smiled. "Ah, there, you see, is the real bit of genius. The circle is activated by any transmutation close to it. It diffuses the energy for the transmutation and then deactivates itself as well since it has done so. It remains inactive between uses."

Getting the circle just right was a little tricky, especially if an alchemist wanted to try and make it so the circle would only negate a particular type of transmutation, or one requiring a particular level of alchemical energy, but the principle wasn't nearly as difficult as Ed had expected. "So you're not going to be lecturing me on the dangers of misusing this thing right?" Ed teased when Mei finished.

"It's rather difficult to misuse," Mei pointed out with a knowing smile. "I believe you will use _this_ alchemy to good purpose. It is very good for keeping people out of places you do not want them without supervision, and protecting inexperienced students from doing more than they should. It is also good to be aware that an adversary may also _know_ this technique, though very few do given the level of skill necessary to successfully create such a circle."

If Ed ever did go up against an alchemist of that level – unlikely as that seemed to be at this point – he would definitely keep this in mind!


	7. Chapter 7

**September 17****th****, 1956**

As strange as it seemed their visit to Xing was almost over. The reason they had come had been accomplished and _well _beyond Winry and Edward's expectations! Winry could hardly believe the changes wrought in her husband and all for the better. She couldn't take her eyes off him when he fought. Watching him _capable_ of fighting again, strong and energized, unafraid… it made her spirits soar. There was a light in his eyes she had not seen in far too long and to have that back again, to hear his laughter, was more than worth the cost of treatment.

She was even more grateful for the healing that had gone on in Ed's heart and head. Edward had been obsessed with alchemy for as long as Winry could remember, and while it did not define who he was to her, to see him _fear_ it and refuse to use alchemy for even the most logical reasons had been as painful as watching him constantly put himself down, convinced that he was just a step away from failing again and ruining the life they had rebuilt.

That was gone as well. The haunted look, the paranoia, the guilt, had lessened, and while Winry knew it wouldn't all vanish at once, it was no longer a wall.

It was a cool, sunny morning, and Winry wasn't sure what Ed had planned but he had made her promise to leave the rest of the day open. As if she had anything better to do than spend time with him here!

"There you are, beautiful."

Winry turned as Ed came into their room, a mischievous and appreciative grin on his face. Winry smiled back. "You asked me to wait for you," she reminded him. "What's this about?"

"It's a surprise," Ed replied, kissing her in greeting. "You've spent weeks taking care of me. I just wanted to say thank you…and show you how much I appreciate having you around."

It made her feel warm inside when he talked like that. Winry kissed him back, enjoying the heat and the feel of his arms around her. _That_ was something about Edward she was glad to have back as well! "Well I definitely feel appreciated," she chuckled when they parted. "So is this a _going out_ kind of surprise?"

"It is," Ed replied. "But don't wear anything too dressy."

Don't dress up. Well, that would definitely make this a typical Ed surprise; cryptic. And clearly it wasn't dinner and dancing. "I think I can handle that," Winry smirked.

"Good, then we need to go. I've already arranged transportation." Ed turned and reached for his jacket hanging near the door.

"Wait," Winry put a hand on his arm. "I have something for you." She could think of no better time to give it to him either! "Maybe it's silly," she smiled as she went to the wardrobe and pulled out her own suitcase, "But I brought it hoping _maybe _it would be appropriate again someday." She stood and turned, holding up Ed's red coat. It had hung in the closet at home since before the war in Aerugo. After the war, Edward had worn only his military uniform to work and then, even though he had retired from active duties as a General, he had never worn it again. On a whim Winry had washed, pressed, and packed the coat.

For a moment, Winry wondered if she had made a mistake. Ed's eyes were wide, and he stood frozen for several long seconds. Then, slowly, he crossed the room and gently lifted the coat out of her hands. He looked like he might cry. Then he looked from the coat back up into her face. "Winry… thank you."

She knew he wasn't just thanking her for the coat. She could hear the thanks in his voice, the gratitude of years, of a life time. "It's good to have you back, Edward."

* * *

Edward's surprise turned out to be something he had known Winry would never expect but would enjoy immensely. He had arranged – through Meng, his buddy in the guard – to get her a tour of the weapons forge in town where they made all of the blades used by the Imperial armory. They had some processes for strengthening and lightening steel and also some metal alloys that he knew Winry would find fascinating.

He was right. It was worth the three hours of listening to Winry babble with the metal smiths about their work just to see the light in her eyes and obvious excitement. He felt immensely satisfied as he watched her enjoying herself. Not that he minded; he liked looking at the weaponry and the process involved in forging it as well! It was, after all, very different from the way he _made_ weapons, and it was definitely educational. It gave him some knowledge that would definitely strengthen his alchemically made blades in the future.

"That was incredible," Winry smiled as she held onto his arm as they left just before lunch. "Thank you so much!"  
"I thought you'd like that," Ed grinned, squeezing her arm with his. "But today's not over yet. I can't show you all of Xing in a day, but we can still hit the highlights."

"Oh? And just what did you have in mind next?" Winry asked, one slender eyebrow arching curiously.

"Well this afternoon I thought you might enjoy a little shopping in the market," Ed admitted. As rarely as he _willingly_ got dragged through shops, he liked watching Winry enjoy herself and he did want to spoil her, at least a little! "There are a couple of great museums if you're interested, first though," he chuckled. "There's this place I want to take you for lunch."

Winry laughed. "How did I know this would somehow involve food?"

"Ah, but it's not just any food," Ed smirked.

It was one of the places he had enjoyed most on their last trip; where they cooked the food right in front of the customer, and it was quite a show too. Ed was impressed by anyone who could juggle knives _while_ cooking on a sheet of hot metal! The food was, of course, fantastic, and there was lots of it.

After that, he took Winry on the promised shopping spree. She was kind; she only spent a total of an hour looking in tool stores, and only picked up things she absolutely could not find in Amestris. He actually had more fun showing her where he had bought her robe on his last trip – the one that was still her favorite – and the bath scents she enjoyed. He encouraged her to try things on, even when she looked at him skeptically until he pointed out that he got to look at her in everything she wore.

The final damage – not that Ed joked out loud since this was his idea – was a couple of dresses that were in beautiful traditional Xingese brocades but much more modern cuts. Winry would be the height of fashion in Central for a few _years_ in those given what it would cost to buy them imported. There were also a couple of shoulder throws, a hat, and some really pretty earrings. While she usually wore small, utilitarian earrings that wouldn't get in her way at work, Ed knew she enjoyed dressing up sometimes more than she usually admitted.

"You know," Winry commented later as they strolled back towards the palace as the sun was just beginning to set, "With any other man, a woman should be suspicious when he showers her with anything she wants." From the glint in her eye, he knew she was teasing.

"Well you've got me there," Ed chuckled, his arms laden down with Winry's purchases. Admittedly a lot of them were actually gifts for family back home too. "I figured on taking you home, loosening you up, and ravishing you later." He could play along!

Winry stopped walking so suddenly that Ed almost ran into her as she doubled over laughing. He waited for his wife to regain some semblance of decorum. "Well I guess your sense of humor has recovered," Winry finally gasped, giving him a surprisingly playful wink. "All you had to do for _that_ was ask."

Ed grinned. "Yeah, I know. But you've always made it so easy it only seems fair to at least go through the motions once in a while."

"Are you saying I'm _easy_, Edward?" Winry asked archly.

Ed dared a cheeky grin. "Absolutely."

"Explain yourself," Winry said as she started walking again.

Ed fell in beside her, still grinning. "I never had to court you, never had to propose, and you raised our kids, make ridiculously good money, and treat me better than I could ever deserve. You're the perfect partner. Given how hard life is, you've made it a whole lot easier on me than it would have been."

Winry fell quiet and Ed waited, hoping he hadn't somehow put his foot in his mouth and ruined the day. But she smiled back up at him, despite dampness in her eyes. "Sounds like maybe it's your turn to be _easy_."

Ed laughed, but he knew what she meant. "I'm trying, Winry. I figure I owe you a lifetime of easy, and I hope we both enjoy every minute of it."

**September 18****th****, 1956  
**

"So, how much longer are you going to stay in Xing?" Edward asked Will as they played a game of chess after a big family dinner that evening with the Xians. He and Winry were leaving in a couple of days. They had left Central at the beginning of May and they wouldn't be home until the end of October. After so many months away they had lives to return to and Ed was looking forward to it!

"Just another couple of months," Will replied, smiling. "The research I needed to do here is almost complete for now, though I've got letters of introduction that will get me into five or six other research facilities, libraries, and museums on the Continent that I intend to take full advantage of."

"It'll be years before we see you," Ed chuckled, stroking Pir who was curled up under the low table. "What does Ren think of your plans?"

"She wants to come along," Will admitted, blushing slightly. "She's looking for information on alchemical healing in other countries; their history, their traditions. Surely the Xing aren't the only ones who developed it. The Cretans have a wealth of alchemy in their legends that they haven't really studied as such." Ed knew that well enough from his and Al's trip years ago to see the Urn of Andrixos. "We can both work pretty much anywhere. Her skills as an alchemical physician are needed in a lot of places."

"So you're going to be traveling the world with the Emperor's sister," Ed couldn't help grinned as he folded his arms. "Should we be concerned?"

To his credit, Will didn't even blush. "Assuming she'll have me, I plan to ask Ren to marry me before we leave Xing," he admitted conspiratorially. "I've already got Mei and Mao's approval to ask," he added, grinning broadly.

Ed had wondered about that. He had noticed that Will got along very well with Ren's family, but getting along well, and being allowed to marry a foreign Emperor's sister were two rather different things! "Congratulations," he grinned. "Somehow I don't think you'll have to worry about the girl saying no."

"I hope not," Will agreed. "The last thing I want is an international incident when all I want out of this is the girl!"

"Romance has a way of complicating itself doesn't it?" Ed chuckled, getting back to the game in front of them. It was the Xingese version.

"You'd know," Will shrugged as he made his next move, taking one of Ed's pieces and blocking two other moves at the same time.

Ed sighed. "Yeah, I would at that." He moved, effectively typing up a quarter of the board with one well placed stone. "Speaking of complicated, have you heard much from Ethan?" Ed had received several letters from his son over the summer and once he had gotten back to school for another semester. Ethan and Lia were still _going out_, but his son had very little to say on the subject when he wrote. For Ed, he wasn't sure if that meant things were going well or not.

Will chuckled. "I got a couple of letters," he admitted, pondering the board. "He was doing all right when we left at the beginning of the summer, but he was pretty nervous about surviving a few weeks without Lia." Ethan had summer work back at the hospital in Central, unsurprisingly, and so he had been back at the house for those weeks, but Lia had been going back to South City for the summer. "Apparently that didn't last long."

"His nerves or his survival?" Ed quipped. "He sounded all right in his last letter, and that was just a couple of weeks ago." He had asked Winry about the subject, but all he'd gotten was that

"Oh they're fine," Will smirked. "Though in truth, I get better information from home out of Alyse. Lia showed up in Central a full month before the end of the summer."

"And stayed where?" Ed asked, suddenly a little concerned about his son, home alone, and entirely unsupervised with his college girlfriend! As much as he trusted Ethan, so far the track record with his kids was enough to make him nervous.

"With Alyse actually," Will replied with a knowing smile that said he knew just what Ed had worried about. "She said other than the heightened level of sickening cuteness – her words – they act just like they always have."

That was good to hear. "So I guess we can assume things are fine." That was a relief. Given Ethan's nervousness about getting more serious about a relationship with Lia – or any girl – Ed worried.

"I think so," Will nodded. "From what I saw at school, I agree with Alyse. All that's really changed is the fact they've admitted their feelings. Well, that and the kissing," he grinned, making his move.

Ed laughed as he moved one more piece, finishing off the game. "Yeah, that's usually considered a pretty big change!"

**October 7****th****, 1956  
**

Edward was almost as fidgety on the train ride back to Amestris as he had been on the way out, though for completely different reasons. He couldn't wait to get back! Though there was one stop they made on the way back to Central, and that was a few days visit to Resembool. The last time they had been there, Ed had been capable of so very little. He wanted a chance to spend some _real_ time with his grandsons!

As they approached the house in the mid-afternoon, two furry shapes appeared up by the house and charged towards them, tails wagging. Pir's ears immediately perked up and he darted off, barking furiously.

"Another family reunion," Ed chuckled, though he was glad to see the two pups – nearly twice Pir's size still – come barreling down the hill. He recognized them as the ones he knew Aldon had kept – the all white female and one of the other black-and-white males. In moments there was a ball of puppies rolling around in the dirt.

"Looks like they remember each other," Aldon laughed as he came out on the porch, a bundled form in his arms that Ed was sure was the youngest member of the family.

"Good, then they can play together and Pir can stop giving me dejected looks for having the energy to do things other than sit around petting him," Ed laughed as he and Winry mounted the steps.

"It's great to see you, Dad," Aldon gave him a one armed hug, which Ed set the bags down and returned. "You look good."

"I feel good," Ed couldn't help grinning. He looked down at Urey. The seven-month-old blinked up at him with big hazel eyes. "Hi there, kiddo."

"I get to hold him first," Winry laughed, pushing in then and taking him off Aldon's hands.

"Grandpa?" A disbelieving voice came from just inside the door, and a moment later Coran came running out on the porch with Reichart right behind him. "You're here!"

"You bet I am," Ed laughed, scooping the six-year-old up into the air, and reveling in the look of absolute shock on his grandson's face

"You're better!" Coran squealed in delight, hugging Ed tightly around the neck as he came down. "Does that mean we can play?" Of the two, Coran was the only one with any memory at all of Ed when he could still play with them at all.

"Why do you think I'm here?" Ed asked, squeezing him before setting him down and giving Reichart a toss. The look of startled glee on the younger boy's face was even better!

"Well I'd ask how the treatment went, but I think I've got my answer," Aldon laughed as he picked up the bags they had dropped on the porch now that his hands were child free. "Cassie's already got dinner on. I hope you're hungry."

Winry paused and gave her son a '_you have to be kidding' _look. "I can't believe you just asked that."

Aldon chuckled. "Well for all I know you ate on the train," he pointed out as they all piled inside.

"Let's just say things are back to normal," Ed snickered, sniffing as he closed the door behind them all. "And dinner smells delicious!" The food smelled good, the house looked good. Right now, he was pretty sure everything in life was good! He knew the feeling wouldn't last forever, but he couldn't help but feel much more positive about things lately.

"Well, thank you," Cassie chuckled as she closed the oven door. "Give it a couple of hours and I'm sure it will taste even better."

"What I want to know is how you keep this place so clean," Winry chuckled.

"Amazing strength of will," Cassie smiled as the two women hugged and went off on their own little conversation.

"More like amazing strength of husband," Aldon snickered half under his breath to Ed. "Though Coran's actually getting pretty good about helping pick things up and Art _usually_ follows his example."

Ed grinned. "Such a familiar story," he teased. "We were just lucky you and Sara were older when we had Ethan. We could expect a lot more work out of you."

"Don't sound like you planned it," Aldon laughed as the two men settled into the comfort of the living room furniture. "We all know better."

"As I know you've done so much careful planning yourself," Ed smirked. He would probably always give Aldon a ribbing from time to time about just how _un_prepared his son had been when Cassie got pregnant with Coran. It was probably the only time Aldon had ever shown a real lack of common sense, though it had turned out just fine. "Are you done at three?"

"Probably," Aldon shrugged, grinning. "But I think we already know how well family planning seems to work in this family."

"Plan on several and expect the unexpected?" Cassie commented glibly as she and Winry joined them.

Aldon shrugged good-naturedly. "At this point Ethan's probably the only one of us who might make it to the altar without a kid on the way."

"It would be a nice change of pace," Ed grinned.

"Is he coming out here for break again?" Winry asked curiously.

Aldon shook his head. "No. I called and invited him but he said he and Lia both have projects to work on so they're staying in East City."

"Do those two go anywhere without each other anymore?" Winry chuckled, though she certainly didn't seem displeased with the idea. Ed wasn't really either. After years of watching his son pine over the girl, having them happily dating was a pleasant change!

"Not as far as I can tell," Aldon clearly found this amusing. Of course, he had been teasing Ethan about Lia since they were kids. "You two _are_ staying through Harvest Festival right?"

Ed paused, the realization of just what time of the year it was dawning. It had been a full year, and they were here for it; not planned but talk about a happy coincidence! "Can we?" he looked hopefully at Winry.

Winry eyed him for a moment, then chuckled and kissed his cheek. "Well of course! Really Ed, I can't believe even you would forget about Harvest."

Ed shrugged and laughed. "What can I say? I've had a lot on my mind."

**October 19****th****, 1956 **

Edward and Winry stayed in Resembool through the Festival and Ed couldn't remember the last time he'd had so much fun. He spent hours rough-housing with his grandsons; playing chase, climbing, wrestling, and roaming all over the countryside with the pups trailing along with the older two, and telling stories to all three. He spent a lot of time with Urey too, watching the youngest crawl and grin and giggle. Ed remembered to call Sara on Trisha's second birthday. He could never forget about his girls after all!

The festival was fun, even though Ed really wished the whole family could have gathered together again. He would have loved to have joined in on the activities he'd missed out on last year. But there would be other family get-togethers, and it was kind of nice to just spend time with Aldon, Cassie, and the boys.

And, of course, Edward enjoyed the food! After months of Xing cooking, as much as he enjoyed the stuff, there was just no comparison when it came to good home cooking in Resembool. The cooking competitions were as tough as the year before, and Ed got asked to judge again. With Winry close at his side, he allowed himself a couple of very small tastes – sips only – of some of the locally brewed meads. He enjoyed them, but was relieved when that was satisfactory and he didn't find himself really caring for more; at least, not in a craving sense. Ed certainly wouldn't have minded a glass of a couple of them sometime. He decided that was good enough though. Afterwards, they went back to the house for the traditional dinner, after which Ed certainly didn't mind camping out on the couch for several hours until the feeling that he might burst faded away.

It was a great couple of weeks and a nice relaxing way to re-acclimate to life in Amestris after months away. They hadn't given the folks in Central a particular day they would be back so there was definitely no rush. It also gave Ed a little more time to brush up. When he got back, he planned to go straight to Headquarters and prove he could still handle the full workload of a State Alchemist! Winry was behind him on that entirely, and it felt good to know that.

The evening before they left was reasonably warm and there was a glorious sunset outside. Ed stood on the balcony with Winry beside him, admiring the view before bed. Of course, that view often involved turning to look at the beautiful woman beside him in a thin-strapped blue silk nightgown.

"You'll miss the first star of the evening," Winry teased the third time she caught him looking at her.

Ed grinned, putting his auto-mail arm around her waist. "What do I need wishes for? I've got my health back, my confidence back, and I've got you."

Winry blushed slightly in the setting sunlight. "There's nothing else you would wish for?"

"Maybe I'm too cautious," Ed chuckled. "But I figure I shouldn't press my luck. It tends to make me try reaching too far and doing something stupid."

"There is that." Winry rested her head on his shoulder, her silky hair tickling his bare skin when it didn't hit auto-mail. He was dressed in only his shorts. "I do still sometimes wish I could change something that happened in the past," she admitted, wrapping her arms around his chest as far as they would go. "But I know if I did the lessons learned from it would be lost, and any good that came out of it would be as well."

"Equivalency," Ed smiled, turning so they were facing each other. "No, I wouldn't change the past. I've learned too much from it and there have been too many good times I wouldn't want to mess with." He used his left hand to tilt Winry's chin up gently. "The only thing I wish I could change would be how much I've hurt the people I love."

"Sometimes a little pain is necessary," Winry countered softly, "And it's all over now." She smiled and brought her face right up to his till they were barely centimeters apart. "So now we get to move on; try something new and fresh."

"Try something new? Is that an invitation, Mrs. Elric?" Ed asked, taking advantage of the closeness to kiss her passionately, losing himself quickly in the feel of her warm, familiar form pressed against his chest, the small of her back taut as his hand ran down her spine and rested there.

Winry giggled when they broke for air. "Are you sure we should be doing this in front of the boy?" she whispered teasingly.

It took Ed a moment to get the reference. He turned and saw Pir, who was sprawled across the bed watching them; his ears perked and tail wagging. "Aww, he's a big boy," he snickered. "What are we going to do, scar him for life? Listening to us doesn't seem to have hurt our kids anyway."

"Who knew you were such a voyeur," Winry smirked.

"Says the woman making out on a balcony with a two mile visual range," Ed countered.

"Which means we'd see the neighbors if they could see us," Winry replied, unfazed.

"Can you see anything other than my pectoral muscles?" Ed asked playfully.

"Just your eyes," Winry giggled. "Maybe we should move this back inside?"

"It's funny," Ed couldn't help commenting. "I had the feeling this conversation was going to go someplace more philosophical tonight." His mind _had_ been wandering towards the concept of how much could happen in sixteen years; the first of his life for example, and how it had now been almost exactly sixteen years now since he had left to fight in the Xing War. So much could change in that time.

Winry gave him a squeeze and a coy little wink. "If you'd rather have philosophy we can always put off gratuitous sex."

There were moments when Ed almost didn't believe he was hearing the words coming out of his wife's mouth. This was one of them! "You've got to be kidding," he laughed as he took a hold of her wrists and led her back inside towards the bed. "After the number of times I've almost died in my life, sex is never gratuitous!"

**October 24****th****, 1956**

Though he never would have admitted it, Edward had planned his _entrance_ for months. The morning they were to arrive in Central he made sure to wear _the outfit_, fully decked for the first time in more years than he could count. It had been a long time since Ed regularly wore all black, but he pulled it out for today, put the red coat on over it, and made sure his hair was braided back. He clipped his watch to his belt and tucked it in his pocket. There would be no mistaking him for anyone else!

Very little changed in Central Headquarters, and even from the limited information Ed had he knew that the combat classes for the licensed State Alchemists would be at their usual time and location – outdoors if they were using alchemy. So Ed knew exactly where to find the people he wanted to find first and, from the limited information he had gotten from Alphonse lately, who to expect.

Winry and Pir followed him to Headquarters. Edward walked right in the gates and headed for the parade grounds. Yep, there they were, a group of about thirty State Alchemists, at the moment looking as if they were just about to start today's sparring sessions. Ed recognized most of them on sight; Sara, Alphonse, Marcus Kane, Maes Mustang… and the man he really wanted to have a word with. "I've been looking for you, Mustang!" Ed bellowed as he strode across the ground, his coat billowing behind him, heading straight for Roy. "There's something I've been wanting from you for a long time."

Every head came up sharply, turning so fast Ed wasn't entirely sure he hadn't just given half of them whiplash. Roy's one eye had gone wide, but as he realized who it was, Ed saw a broad smirk cross the Flame Alchemist's face. "Well you're going to have to_ take_ it, Fullmetal, if you're man enough!"

Ed stopped about ten yards away grinning with cocky confidence. "Well why don't you just find out for yourself, Flame? 'Cause I'm calling you out. You've owed me a rematch for over forty years! Of course," he shrugged, "If you're not up to it I'll take your unconditional surrender right now."

Around them, Ed could hear – and see peripherally – the shifting of the other alchemists. The ones who knew them were grinning. Those who were newer, who knew only the _legends, _seemed rather unsure what to make of the situation but they were getting out of the way!

"Don't get ahead of yourself," Roy chuckled deeply as he pulled his gloves out of his pocket and snapped each on his hands. "If you need a little refresher in how it's done, I'll be glad to oblige." Though he still looked startled, as if he wasn't entirely sure where Ed was really going to take this.

He also had no idea what Ed was capable of. This was going to be fun! "Oh I figured I'd be doing the teaching this time," Ed smirked and clapped his palms together sharply. Oh yes, this was going to be awesome!

It was definitely a fight to remember. Realistically, when he was sixteen Ed hadn't had much of a chance at all against the Flame Alchemist in his prime. Roy was infinitely more experienced, and it was only the luck of a momentary flashback that had allowed the fight to stop in essentially a tie. Now however, Ed had the knowledge, the skills, the patience, and experience to make use of all of it.

It was a fight that turned quickly into a combination of hand-to-hand and alchemical combat strategies. Ed used everything from air to dirt to disrupt the air, making it hard for Roy to get off anything other than large general area explosions. That was actually helpful; Ed could dodge those, and he had a strategy for dealing with that.

He got in close. Why run _away_ from his opponent? In close, Roy couldn't set off any large explosions without hitting himself!

"You finally learned something, Fullmetal," Roy laughed as he ducked a punch and tried to come in under Ed, who flipped up over Roy, smacking him in the back even as the Flame Alchemist turned to counter. Ed came down under Roy's reactionary punch and went for a leg sweep.

Roy dodged, rolling and getting off a spark that nearly exploded in Ed's face. "Easy to do when your opponent's not looking," Ed countered, using the ground to snag Roy's leg as he moved briefly into Roy's blind spot, letting it sink in before Roy countered it with his own transmutation.

"Cheap shot," Roy smirked. "Hiding in the dark."

"Take advantage of your opponent's weaknesses. Isn't that what you told me, Mustang?" Ed countered again.

The fight went on like that for several minutes, back and forth, blow for blow, and transmutation for transmutation… witty remark for sarcastic quip. It continued until both of them were panting hard, sweating, and Ed knew it would end soon.

He dodged a punch, rolled, and came up with his sword-arm transmuted…. To find Roy mid-snap. Ed flipped up on his other hand and out of the way at the last moment, taking Roy's legs successfully out from under him as he went with a sound shake of the ground beneath his feet. When they both came to rest, they were palm to palm and about to transmute.

"I'd say that's a tie!" Alphonse called out, stepping forward as Ed looked into Roy's eye.

Roy smirked. "What do you say, Fullmetal?"

Ed laughed and stood, offering Roy a hand up instead of going through with the transmutation. "I'd say not bad for an old man."

"You or me?" Roy asked, taking the hand and standing.

"Actually, I was talking about Al for managing to call it without getting caught in the middle," Ed laughed, thumbing over his shoulder at his brother.

Around them, the crowd of alchemists burst into laughter and then cheers.

"Very funny, Ed," Al was grinning as he walked up and enfolded Ed in a tight bear hug. "It's good to see you, Brother."

Ed felt his throat tighten with emotion as he hugged Al with equal force. "Thanks, Al. It's good to see you too." Behind Al he could see Sara, her eyes distinctly damp, grinning broadly.

As Al let go of Ed, Ed found himself tackled by a completely different female. "That was incredible," Winry laughed.

"That was a fantastic feeling!" Ed laughed, pulling her hard against him. It was definitely the most challenging battle he had faced in years! His heart pounded in his chest as he kissed Winry. Around them, the cheers turned to laughter and a few cat calls.

It didn't matter to Ed. He knew it was all good natured celebration; the Fullmetal Alchemist was back!

* * *

**Author's Note: **And finis to story 30! And while this might seem like a fantastic place to end a series.... (and when I originally thought it up it felt like it might be)...that is so far from the truth it's not even funny. So there is plenty more coming! Expect it soon. :)


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